Written by listed counsellor/psychotherapist: Julie Crowley
16th November, 20120 Comments
If you’ve felt bullied, you know that it makes you feel worthless and lost.
You lose your self-belief, and it is often self-assured, confident people this happens to because your assurance makes you vulnerable to people who need to assert their power no matter what, or on who, to make themselves feel better.
You start to doubt yourself – your actions and behaviours, the trust you had that you knew what was right, what to do and get the best results. The insidious and constituent nit-picking that bullies use means you – and other people around you – start to wonder if there is something to the comments.
Remember – there isn’t! This is just a ruse. Just sniping but regularly that makes you doubt yourself and your objectives/actions and then others also start to wonder too. You feel more isolated. People are avoiding you, or not sure about you any more. You were good, now what’s happened?
There’s the doubt again. What am I doing wrong suddenly? What’s changed – I can’t see it, to manage it?
Nothing changed. Only that someone felt threatened by you for some reason (perhaps, sadly, not even something you did or because it’s you, only that the other person felt threatened and recognised in you something they can manipulate to prove their own worth and assert their own power again).
And even if you did do something which you realise/recognise, now or in the future, bullying would not be the answer would it?
Taking action to manage the situation
1. Learn about bullies and bullying – you are not alone, and there are things to look for and manage
2. Learn to ask for help – GP, counselling, authorities, agencies
3. Books from the library help you learn, understand, have techniques and tools to help yourself
4. Talking it about it helps a lot. Being heard is essential. Keep talking to people about it
5. Learn relaxation techniques - feeling threatened doesn’t help this so this is new for you now
6. Find some spiritual support for yourself and use it to help you build your self-belief again
7. Mindfulness, reiki, massage, meditation, yoga, tai chi etc and even acupuncture
8. Learn about depression and anxiety – understanding is a tool and a weapon against it
9. Have fun. Although it might feel difficult to engage with people and activities, make the effort.
Learn a new skill or hobby, carry on hobbies, meet friends and go for a coffee, look around the shops and read magazines – anything and everything. It allows you to relax and distracts your thoughts to allow this rest you need to build up your strength.
10. Make space away from the situation and the person. Have time off work to give perspective and breathing space, but use it wisely with activities, finding help and resting.
11. Maintain that space as much as possible – walk away, stay with other people around you for protection against their jibes, don’t let them find you alone and vulnerable. Tell people why you don’t want to be near them and they may help you by being there and watching over you.
12. Talk to your family and friends; even if they dont seem to notice there's a problem – open up and ask them to come back if you have neglected or distanced them, so they will help and support you again. You never meant to push them away but you were scared and didn’t know what was happening, you didnt understand it was bullying until it was well-established, then its harder still. You were threatened and couldn’t speak about it, or didn't know how to. They will understand. Someone, somewhere will understand and be able to help you.
REMEMBER you ARE OK. You are a nice person.
You’re a good employee/friend/relative/colleague/school mate.
You ARE worthwhile and you ARE good enough.
And you DO have a right to be you, to be here and right now
Hold a smile for 6 seconds and it makes you feel better!
Related articles from our experts
- How to free up repressed feelings and enjoy better relationships
Noel Bell BA (Hons), MA, PG Dip Psych, UKCP13th November, 2016
- Bullying - take a step beyond
Christine King (MBACP)11th November, 2016
- Counselling in schools
Beverley Brough (MBACP)20th October, 2016
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