When the Honeymoon is Over

It's a lovely, magic time isn't it?  Closeness, romance, and feeling like the most important person in another's life.  What a loss then, when it comes to an end.

Or is it?  Maybe it's a bit like a delicious chocolate...one, two or even three are wonderful, but we all know what happens when we eat the whole box!

If the honeymoon is the chocolate course, the next stage is where the real nurturing food can be consumed.  Is it going to be a quick ready meal in the microwave or a homemade and lovingly prepared meal of favourite food?

The latter is of course a lot more work, just as a healthy long-term relationship is a lot more work.  It doesn't just happen; it needs time and attention to develop.  It needs partners who listen and are willing to put their own needs on one side from time to time.

A common complaint from couples who come for counselling is that the talking has all but stopped.  So when one of thme starts to share some feelings, the other is frequently surprised that their partner feels the way they do.

How could anyone prepare a favourite meal if they don't know what another's favourite food is? People often say things like 'if s/he loved me, s/he would know what I need'. NOT TRUE - love and mind reading are completely different things.

Once a couple learn to ask clearly for what they need for themselves and to properly listen to their partner, they can build a relationship that is richer and more enduring than any honeymoon.

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Durham, DH7

Written by Jo Couling

Durham, DH7

I am a BACP Senior Registered Counsellor and Psychotherapist with over 30 years experience of working with both couples and individuals. Counselling sessions are currently available by telephone or online. At the moment, we are all having to find a way to cope with the impact of a frightening pandem...

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