So, Let's talk About Sex

I talk about sex a lot; as a sex /psychosexual therapist it is my job to ask questions. I ask my male and female clients and couples alike to tell me very intimate details about their lives. I ask about their childhoods, their parents, their siblings, their relationships and, of course, I ask them about sex. But I do need to constantly keep myself in check and always try to put myself in “my client’s shoes” wondering what must be like to be asked the most intimate questions and share sexual thoughts, feelings and practices with a stranger (well, almost a stranger).

And I never take it for granted; my clients have given me so much knowledge and insight into the female and male perspective on sex and sexuality. I have learned and continue to learn so much. I am especially grateful for the insight from my male clients - insight that I, as a woman, never had before and that most women will never have. So, I feel privileged that men have opened up and told me about how they feel about their penises, about how they learned to masturbate, how they often compared their penises to other boys growing up...how they fear they are not big enough, small enough or good enough when it comes to sex.

Yes, it is true...both women and men have insecurities, secrets and anxieties about themselves as sexual beings and with sex as a whole.So, why are we so confused when it comes to sex? It has been said that sex is our oldest obsession. We do obsess about it, read about it, are intrigued and also scared by it. Some women tell me that they occasionally speak about sex with their girlfriends...yet interestingly enough, men also tell me that sex is not discussed in any depth with their male friends. Is that where the problem might be? Might it be that we are just uncomfortable about sharing sexual things with people around us; who don’t (or won’t) ask, so we don’t (or won’t) tell?

So, what I propose is that we do exactly that; we ask questions about it and we do share when we feel it is right. This should especially be the case with men and women. If we ask, and share, we will learn so much more about ourselves and about the opposite sex. I know I will continue to ask questions about sex, and continue to be fascinated by what I learn.

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Written by Monika Dedus COSRT accred, UKCP reg, Couple and Psychosexual therapy

Many of us can feel depressed or anxious due to loss, bereavement, stress, work difficulties, relationship or sexual problems. Counselling with an experienced therapist can provide the right skills and understanding to help long term wellbeing.I am a COSRT accredited, UKCP reg. psychotherapist with many years of experience working with individuals and couples. My specialist area is psychosexual an… Read more

Written by Monika Dedus COSRT accred, UKCP reg, Couple and Psychosexual therapy

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