Mind the gap!

Mind the gap...

...or, rather, don't mind the gap... accept it is there and don't fill it with worries.

Well, that is easier said than done isn't it, especially when you notice the gap between one thought and another. If there's an empty space, we tend to fill it.

When we stand in a train station, how likely are we to hear the "mind the gap" announcement? We don't tend to try and put something in it - we move away from it. We make sure we are safe and therefore don't fill the gap with us.

How often do you find yourself with a gap?

Maybe a moment between sending a text and receiving a reply text; even in that mini moment we can feel the gap. What about the disastrous text message with no 'x's'? Oh my goodness! How many times have you decided there is something terribly wrong, that it's the end of the relationship, that the other person is angry, has left you, or rejected you?

Then the relief arrives when there is a follow-up text with an 'x'. Phew! You call the divorce lawyer back and say it was a mistake, it's ok - they just forgot the 'x' and you are still together!

You may laugh, but for some people that gap where the 'x' should be, that tiny space, causes relationship breakdowns. That's how quickly our thoughts can fill the gap. When we notice the 'x' missing, why don't we just notice but not mind? We know the person loves us or likes us. We know we are ok with them and ourselves, but we look for the crack, the gap.

We then fill it with negatives.

We don't think 'hey they have just texted back and that means we are ok', or even, 'hey I am ok, even if they don't feel I am'. We don't notice the letters they have been used in that contact - we notice the one missing digit.

How many times do you look for the empty space, throw some stuff from the past in it, and then grow some historical related story in your head? How about noticing the rest of the message, what is present rather than what is not?

How about noticing the gap but minding the gap? Minding less when there is nothing to mind?

Give it a go. You may discover that you find peace in a gap.

Counselling Directory is not responsible for the articles published by members. The views expressed are those of the member who wrote the article.

Share this article with a friend

Written by Mandy Hunt Reg. MBACP Individual and Relationship Therapy, Walk & Talk Therapy

I am a therapist who loves working with people who want to change.

For more information visit my website… Read more

Written by Mandy Hunt Reg. MBACP Individual and Relationship Therapy, Walk & Talk Therapy

Show comments

Find the right counsellor or therapist for you

All therapists are verified professionals.