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Having a relationship with ourselves and others

When we feel resentful towards other peoples' success it can often make us seethe inside whilst keeping a fixed smile firmly in place. Often our feelings of resentment stem from insecurities deep within us. In therapy it can be helpful to acknowledge these negative feelings, but if they are maintained we can come to believe everything in our life is unfair. This can develop into a self-fulfilling prophecy and eventually become self-defeating behaviour.

When we experience negative thoughts we often only see what is happening on the surface of other peoples' lives. Therapy can help us discover that others' success may not have been as easy as it appears. After all, attending therapy may indicate we are struggling with it ourselves.

Constantly comparing ourselves to other people can get in the way of developing new ways of thinking for ourselves. This in turn, can develop into us feeling diminished. Sometimes we may try to behave like the person we believe 'has it all' and risk losing our own identity. 

Going down this path can also lead us to become unable to have an authentic relationship with others.  This can mean we are at risk of not being able to have a relationship with ourselves. Therapy can help us recognise the importance of discovering our own values and our own beliefs. It can also provide ways in which we can learn how to articulate and practice our own rights as an individual whilst respecting the rights of others.

To do this it is important to avoid comparing ourselves to others. It is also important, however, to get to know others - in this way we cease to judge and become more compassionate and understanding towards others as well as ourselves. Learning to be happy about the success of others is an attractive quality to have and can be demonstrated in a positive relationship between client and therapist.

Counselling Directory is not responsible for the articles published by members. The views expressed are those of the member who wrote the article.

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Walsall, Staffordshire, WS6

Written by Lyn Reed

Walsall, Staffordshire, WS6

I am a qualified and experienced counsellor/psychotherapist offering a professional and confidential service to those who want to improve their emotional well-being. Together we can work together to make sense of the world and your place within it. The future can be approached with renewed confidence, self-belief and inner strength.

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