Latest articles on counselling and therapy

If there is someone with narcissistic personality disorder in your life, and especially if they are a family member, their behaviour can have a big impact on you. Other articles here have discussed what narcissism is, how narcissists behave and how counselling can help, but I want to concentrate here on narcissistic parents and the problems they can bring. It is important first to bear in mind a few points: 1. Narcissism is on a continuum and people at the lower end of the spectrum will not...

What is a narcissist? The psychological definition is “extreme selfishness, with a grandiose view of one's own talents and a craving for admiration, as characterising a personality type”. But what does this actually mean in reality? At the start you may not quite believe that you have found someone who has fallen so quickly and deeply in love with you. The “love bombing” with gifts, flowers, and constant text messages just confirm how much they care. Who wouldn’t...

Companies as entities, purely profit-driven and lacking in ethics, can behave like bullies. It's as if the whole world has been blinded by the impression an organisation promotes: Fair treatment of staff, fulfilling quotas for equality and diversity, discrimination and inclusion, whilst in reality they promote a culture of fear and blame, literally “killing off” their staff in the process. Ambitions are hidden under a smokescreen of the charities for which they raise money, or...

We only exist in our parents’ gaze until we learn how to view ourselves objectively. Beginning from the moment we are born, the process of emotional development carries us from dependence towards independence, where we learn to rely on ourselves. We sail across the messy terrain of childhood into adult seas on a boat crafted from the sands of time. Pieces of driftwood attach themselves at random shaping into the form we believe we need to survive in order to reach our destination. Yet if...

When does social media viewing move away from healthy curiosity into stalking behaviour? What is the harm in keeping in touch via newsfeed? What might possibly be problematic about sharing hobbies, common interest events or activities enjoyed by family and friends? Perhaps you love to witness children growing up, enjoy new relationship announcements and feel excited when you learn about the launch of books, products, companies, groups and events? The results of a brief social media survey...

Part of you knows this relationship hurts. The little (or not so little) put downs, the never quite meeting expectations, the feeling guilty for the ‘shoulds’ that you didn’t do. And yet, the bonds feel unbreakable. The emotional cost of cutting free feels too high: Rejection, isolation, shame. Perhaps a part of you feels powerless to do anything about it. At the same time, the cost of staying feels too high: Anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, self-doubt, the continual...

What is it about that persistent feeling of failure, in spite of evidence to the contrary? That presentation didn’t quite cut it. That meal you went all out to make special, was just ok, nothing more. That gift you picked out, it missed the mark. That outfit you chose, well it just wasn’t you. Pretty harsh comments, don’t you think? So who is this person giving you hell? Well, it might well be the voice of a parent, partner or friend but if the answer is also most definitely...

A narcissistic personality hides their manipulation under a theatrical mask. The lights go down, the stage is set, scenery pushed into place and the performance begins. Mastering a metaphorical act, entering the shape-shifting scene, a big brave soldier courageously carries a tiny helpless victim. Without exception and without question, hiding their cowardly nature, their scripted, twisted, distorted personal story is always a tale of zero to hero.A typical "gaslighting" scenario plays out when...

Does this ring a bell? You love your mum or dad, but it’s also tough being their child. Somehow, what you do never seems good enough. If you disagree or stand up to them, there’s an almighty row so you end up keeping quiet or just avoiding them for a peaceful life. Or maybe, they seem overly focused on your achievements or your appearance. When you’re doing well or looking good, you get a lot of attention but if something slides, you get the cold shoulder. The impact a...