Growing up with a narcissistic parent is not only traumatic in nature, but also debilitating and detrimental. As a child growing up with a parent like this, one is loved on conditions - that is, as long as the child meets the parent’s needs, continues to adore and idolise the parent, and act as an extension of the parent and not their self, then all is good. Many other times, the child who rebels by having their own identity and refusing to be controlled is verbally abused and mistreated...
Narcissism and narcissistic abuse Narcissism is a personality type that is characterised by a distinct lack of empathy, selfishness and self-seeking intentions and behaviours. Narcissists actually have deep-seated insecurities, loathing and shame yet their actions overcompensate for this. Instead, they have a pathological need for attention and admiration in order to feel good about themselves and to ease their fragile sense of self. Other characteristics include having a distinct sense...
Is there a link between narcissism and postnatal depression? Mothers with a narcissistic personality disorder or spouses of a narcissistic partner are more likely to develop avoidant or insecure attachments with their own children who in turn can grow up more likely to suffer from anxiety and depression especially around the postnatal period. It’s in this distinctive period, having become a mother, that a woman identifies more with her own mother and can recreate the attachment system...
One of the most destructive types of personality disorder that science can readily identify has to be narcissistic personality disorder, otherwise referred to as NPD. This personality instils in other individuals not necessarily by choice, but it has been programmed into the individual in their life that being a ‘taker’, and showing a need for absolute power and control over another individual, is the only way to maintain their lifestyle. They have a deadly combination of...
I sometimes think that every person who pursues a career in psychotherapy must have had a parent with a narcissistic personality. How else could our sixth sense have become so well tuned, our intuition so finely honed? The child of a narcissistic parent has to develop an extra awareness, an extra alertness to the slightest nuances of the parent's mood. He can "see" changes almost before they happen. In this way he learns to remain safe. Imagine the difficulties such a child must encounter...
If there is someone with narcissistic personality disorder in your life, and especially if they are a family member, their behaviour can have a big impact on you. Other articles here have discussed what narcissism is, how narcissists behave and how counselling can help, but I want to concentrate here on narcissistic parents and the problems they can bring. It is important first to bear in mind a few points: 1. Narcissism is on a continuum and people at the lower end of the spectrum will not...
Counsellor Lorna Slade has extensive experience in working with adult children of narcissist parents. We asked her to explain what impact narcissism has for these children and also what a parent can do if they suspect their child is showing signs of narcissism.
‘I was a good girl but I used to lie awake at night listening to her running me down to my father, who said nothing. I concluded that I wasn’t safe and might one day be homeless.’ Not a sign of a happy child – now a client of mine...
What is a narcissist? The psychological definition is “extreme selfishness, with a grandiose view of one's own talents and a craving for admiration, as characterising a personality type”. But what does this actually mean in reality? At the start you may not quite believe that you have found someone who has fallen so quickly and deeply in love with you. The “love bombing” with gifts, flowers, and constant text messages just confirm how much they care. Who wouldn’t...
Companies as entities, purely profit-driven and lacking in ethics, can behave like bullies. It's as if the whole world has been blinded by the impression an organisation promotes: Fair treatment of staff, fulfilling quotas for equality and diversity, discrimination and inclusion, whilst in reality they promote a culture of fear and blame, literally “killing off” their staff in the process. Ambitions are hidden under a smokescreen of the charities for which they raise money, or...
We only exist in our parents’ gaze until we learn how to view ourselves objectively. Beginning from the moment we are born, the process of emotional development carries us from dependence towards independence, where we learn to rely on ourselves. We sail across the messy terrain of childhood into adult seas on a boat crafted from the sands of time. Pieces of driftwood attach themselves at random shaping into the form we believe we need to survive in order to reach our destination. Yet if...
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