All close relationships rely on clear and effective communication. Learning how to listen attentively and express yourself is essential if you want to build trust and intimacy with your loved ones. When your emotions and values are expressed openly and directly, you’re much more likely to be understood. Even when there is conflict, allowing each other to express your emotions with empathy improves your chances of having your needs met. Confusion often arises when you believe you’re...
This old English cricket expression essentially means to behave honestly and decently in our everyday lives. Through my work as a counsellor helping people with relationship difficulties both individually and in couples, it occurred to me that this expression of good English sportsmanship holds a lot of value in how we successfully conduct and manage all our relationships. Honesty To enter into a close relationship with another is emotionally risky. The bottom line is we could get...
We enter new romantic relationships with a sense of wonder, excitement and a healthy dollop of trepidation. Sometimes the relationship works out and you stay together, and sometimes it flops and you break-up. But why do some people stay in an unhappy relationship, one which brings both partners far greater misery than benefit? It could be because of the sunk cost fallacy. The sunk cost fallacy Let me explain this fallacy by talking you through Hal Arkes and Catherine Blumer’s 1985...
The adequacy of our social relationships impacts our risk of premature death as much as smoking and alcohol consumption and more than physical inactivity and obesity. Meaning that the function of adequate social relationships is to increase the relative length of life of both parties Social relationships are said to come in three forms. Our degree of integration in social networks, social interactions that are intended to be supportive and our perception of the social support available...
How do I know if my partner will be faithful? Is there a way we can know if our partners are going to cheat? Well, there is, in my opinion, three significant signs that it is a high risk to your relationship, that your partner or indeed you are likely to be unfaithful. That’s not to say it will apply to everyone, but I believe it is likely to happen to the majority. So what are the three signs? 1. You met when one or both of you were still in a relationshipIf they do it with you they...
When you meet, you hope that your relationship will make you happy. You have found the person that will love you, make you their priority, and offer the security that offers lifelong promise. While not naive, you know that into all relationships a little rain must fall, so there will be conflict and difficult times. Many people, however, hit a crisis in their relationship. They feel that the relationship has changed and that solving the problems has become overwhelming. There are of...
Many young men in their 20’s or 30’s wanting to have fulfilling relationships find they have difficulty in doing so. There is a variety of reasons why this might be but increasingly the use of porn may be a part of the problem. Some men may have started watching sexually explicit videos from the age of 10 or 11 and most adolescent young men have seen pornographic materials by the age of 13 or 14. A time when the brain is rewiring and setting new patterns of behaviour. Despite...
The recent Neverland documentary gives us incredible insight into the thoughts of the survivors of sexual abuse at the hand of Michael Jackson, Wade and James. The survivors talk first hand about how they loved Michael and felt special during their friendship which prevented them from seeing the damage, the manipulation and wrongdoing that was occurring with the sexual abuse. They talk about the difficulty that both themselves and society has of balancing the image of a star and their feelings...
Some women and men, when they find out that their partner is spending a lot of time watching porn, is sexually acting out with someone, or sexually chatting online, initially blame themselves. What could they have done differently? Are they not attractive enough anymore? Should they have been more sexually available? Finding out that your partner is addicted to porn or sex is painful and difficult to overcome, and it usually has a major effect not only on your relationship but also on you as...
Do you have fuzzy boundaries? Do you keep in touch with ex's or permit loved ones to contact you whenever it suits them? Are you afraid you will lose your relationship if you're not available 24/7? Are you concerned that if you're not in constant contact, the person that contacts you will somehow fail, take drugs or do something silly, and you feel you're the ONLY person who can help them? The difficulties of having boundaries With regards to ex's, often people stay in touch for a myriad of...
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