Latest articles on counselling and therapy

Being in control, being controlling, taking control, being out of control… Control seems to be another of those words that takes on a meaning which can resonate much more deeply than at first impression. I wonder if control or wanting to be in control, can perhaps feel a lonely place, and if that isn’t of some importance. I wonder too if needing to be in control also needs to walk hand in hand with something or someone else. For control, or the need or want to control, to exist...

I once worked with a boss who would regularly bring his young daughter to work with him. She was about 18 months at the time (if I remember correctly) and she would toddle around us in the office and join us for meetings. She’d regularly have a point of view to add to the meeting, usually something crucial about her toy that she needed to share with her dad right there and then, in the middle of his comments. It often made me chuckle because no one else would ever talk over...

The rocky road of attachment and relationships Relationships are arguably the most fundamental part of our lives. Whether we have them or have lost them, or find ourselves aching to leave or improve them, the topic of relationships is the single most emotive subject in therapy sessions. Becoming emotionally close to another person can be a journey in itself; trying to stay close over the passage of time can be even harder. Finally, sometimes, through no fault of our own, we have to find a way...

Building healthy relationships begins with being kind to yourself. Having a level of self-awareness and insights into your own past, as well as present thoughts and feelings, enables you to represent yourself in the world with dignity and respect. This is the first step to creating healthy relationships with others. Self-awareness means the ability to identify and recognise, in the moment, the things, people and places that trigger automatic unhelpful reactions. Noticing these reactions means...

Many of us find ourselves in relationships that keep repeating the same patterns of behaviour and we attract similar types of partners. This is attributed to us seeking our parents in partners, yes I know it is scary to say it, but it is true. We are conditioned by our parents, be it a good or bad experience, grow up, attract them, marry them and become them! From parents to partners If we consider that we are part of each parent and it is what we are familiar with or is known to us,...

I do not need to tell anyone that has experienced a partner having an affair or being the person having the affair what effect this can have on a relationship on so many levels. There are many reasons that lead to affairs happening in a relationship, which has a detrimental impact on both parties. Why do affairs happen? The key triggers of why affairs happen are commonly around partners feeling there is an emotional disconnection, a lack of any intimacy, a breakdown of communication and not...

Relationships of all kinds are discussed frequently in counselling sessions and consist of complex dynamics which can be difficult to understand. When the bond or attachment between two people breaks down, it can incite a number of different responses. More often than not, at least one party involved in the relationship breakdown is experiencing a complex mix of emotions which can feel overwhelming and hard to understand. The grieving/healing process can be experienced as painful, frustrating,...

All close relationships rely on clear and effective communication. Learning how to listen attentively and express yourself is essential if you want to build trust and intimacy with your loved ones. When your emotions and values are expressed openly and directly, you’re much more likely to be understood. Even when there is conflict, allowing each other to express your emotions with empathy improves your chances of having your needs met. Confusion often arises when you believe you’re...

  This old English cricket expression essentially means to behave honestly and decently in our everyday lives. Through my work as a counsellor helping people with relationship difficulties both individually and in couples, it occurred to me that this expression of good English sportsmanship holds a lot of value in how we successfully conduct and manage all our relationships. Honesty To enter into a close relationship with another is emotionally risky. The bottom line is we could get...