The 'gem' of a gift in accepting your own anger
Written by listed counsellor/psychotherapist: Paul Roberts Embodied Psychotherapeutic Counselling RMBACP
12th October, 20170 Comments
Society has written many laws to curb angry behaviour because this behaviour is greatly destructive, whether outwardly displayed or turned against ourselves. It is clear that we as a society do not want inappropriate angry behaviour actioned in the world. This could be anything from the obvious; violence, abuse and drunken fights, towards the more subtle; invasive, grumpy, nagging or reactionary behaviour towards partners, friends and others, that undermines potentially good relationships, in all aspects of life. We may also be quite self-destructive when angry towards our self’s through addictive and self-sabotaging behaviour.
I argue that angry behaviour is a reactive way of avoiding owning one’s own anger, doing anger as an attempt to push the feeling away, and stems from the lack of clarity that exists between behaving angrily and feeling angry. We have never been modeled or explained healthy ways of being with anger; if we had, parents and significant role models, would have shown us ways forwards, and how to be with angry feelings. It can be shown that awareness of one’s own anger can open oneself up towards allowing through the hurt feeling that the anger is protecting.
The Gem is; that allowing and becoming aware of this hurt feeling, releases us up to understanding why our reactivity and stress is occurring, embracing this understanding then allows new heart felt responses and behaviour, these will naturally develop, leading to a more present relaxed way of being with life, benefiting ourselves and all our relationships.
“I feel angry, and within me it has the sensations of… tingling in my hands and arms and a falling tummy feeling (for example)” is the Gem and goodness that society has ignored whilst attempting, in many legitimate ways, to say no to the inappropriate angry behaviour that is so lacking heart and is so destructive across so many relationships."
Just to be clear; I do not believe that angry behaviour is in any way acceptable. I do believe that if one can realise and become aware when "the feeling of anger” arises within us, then an opportunity to learn something about ourselves occurs, it starts with “I feel angry”; this can then lead to:
- Attentiveness to feel undiscovered feelings as sensations within our body
- Awareness of the source of these feelings helping us reconsider positively our core beliefs
- Compassion towards ourselves and others
- Heartfelt behaviours that support our relationships
- More awareness and connection of our presence moment reality (mindfulness)
- The gentle releaseing of historic stress from our subconscious
- These are bold assertions; however experience and research both back up that through learning new ways of being with all of our feelings, starting with the feeling of anger, we can all achieve the active benefits described.
About the author
A holistic counsellor who has a strong believe that the clients whole being guides the counselling process though mind, body and their spiritual nature.
Qualifications: Diploma Therapeutic and an Integrative Level 5 in Young Person 11-18 counselling
Committed member of a monthly men’s group and a run a weekly encounter workshop.
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