You can't pour from an empty cup

On a flight during the safety announcement, the attendants ask passengers to put on their masks before helping their children. 

At first, I thought to myself, I would never put mine on before my children in an emergency. I would want to make sure they are okay before myself. Then I realised that if I passed out because I chose to put my child’s mask on first, I would be of no use to them. They may struggle, and that’s when it hit me: we can't help or look after others if we don't take care of ourselves first.

If we are constantly giving to our children or people we care for, and we are consistently putting their needs above our own, this will eventually have a negative impact on us. In turn, we won’t be able to be the best version of ourselves for them. This realisation was a turning point for me and has since become a metaphor I use with people who seem to be neglecting themselves.

I often hear it with parents. They rush from school drop-offs to work, to the food shop, then back home for a quick clean, and then back to school for after-school clubs. By the time evening arrives you're so mentally and physically exhausted that you don't have much energy for anything else.

I wonder if they realise how little they are doing for themselves. They rarely see their own friends. They rarely do something that brings them joy or something they are genuinely interested in. They barely cook the meals they actually want. Instead, they think about what others will eat first.

This constant cycle of giving to others, while neglecting their own needs, can lead to feelings of frustration, resentment, and even burnout.

It’s natural to want to be the best carer for the people who depend on you. As a parent, partner, or caregiver, the instinct to put others first is often strong. It can often feel selfish to take time for yourself, and many people experience guilt for doing so. I want to remind you that it really isn’t selfish at all. In fact, putting yourself first is necessary for maintaining balance and well-being.

When we neglect ourselves, we lose the ability to show up fully for the people we care about. You can’t pour from an empty cup. If we are constantly pouring ourselves into others without replenishing ourselves, we will eventually find ourselves running on empty, and that’s when the real strain begins.

I would love to see more people put themselves first from time to time and live a more content and balanced life, even when you’re a parent or caring for someone. I want to encourage you to make time for yourself in these simple, everyday ways:

• Pick what you want to watch on TV or for dinner - It’s easy to fall into the trap of catering to everyone else’s needs, but you deserve to have a say in your own downtime.
• Book a hobby you're interested in - Whether it’s painting, reading, knitting, or something else, find something that sparks joy and allows you to relax and unwind.
• Spend your money on a treat for yourself - You don’t need to feel guilty about spending money on something that makes you happy, whether it’s a small treat, a new book, or something else you’ve been wanting.
• Schedule time to go and see your own friends - It’s so important to connect with people who bring out the best in you. Make time for the friendships that nourish your soul.
• Work on your own goals that make you feel good - Whether they’re personal, professional, or creative, setting and working towards your own goals will give you a sense of fulfilment and joy.
• Sit down on the sofa with a cup of tea or coffee - Take a few minutes out of your day to relax and be still. It’s amazing how such a small moment can help reset your mind and improve your mood.
• Plan a weekend that you will enjoy - Doing something fun and enjoyable outside of your usual routine can help refresh your mind and boost your energy.

By filling up your own cup in these ways, you will have more energy, patience, and love to give to those around you. You’re also modelling to others that it’s okay to put yourself first sometimes. Your children, friends, and family will see that taking care of yourself is important and that it’s necessary to have boundaries and self-respect.

The Motherkind podcast and Dr Ranj Chatterjee are both my go-to sources of wisdom and encouragement when I feel like I need a reminder to prioritise my own well-being. Listening to their advice and reading their work always helps me get back on track when I feel overwhelmed.

These reminders might seem simple, but they are incredibly powerful. Taking time out for yourself, whether it’s a few minutes a day or an hour a week can have a positive impact on your mental health and overall quality of life.

What can you do today or this week to put yourself first? It doesn't have to be anything huge, but making time for yourself, even in small ways, can have a positive effect on how you feel and how you show up for others.