Why do we place so much importance on sex?

Sex is one of the most intimate aspects of being human, a deeply personal way we connect with others and express ourselves. Yet, throughout history, society has tied sexual choices, identities, and behaviours to an individual’s worth. This isn’t a simple concept - it’s deeply ingrained in cultural, religious, and social narratives. The pressure to conform to these standards can leave us carrying a silent burden, shaping how we see ourselves and relate to others.

The association between sex and worth isn’t new. In ancient times, sex was often celebrated, even revered. Early pagan traditions viewed it as sacred, a way to connect with nature and the divine. Fertility rituals and sexual expression were seen as natural, integral parts of life. However, as societies evolved and patriarchal religious systems like early Christianity rose in influence, sexuality became tightly linked to morality and control.

Virginity was glorified, and any sexual activity outside strict boundaries - such as marriage - was stigmatised. These shifts weren’t just spiritual; they were societal tools for power and control. Patriarchal systems turned sexuality into a way to reinforce gender roles. Women’s worth was tied to chastity and obedience, while men were measured by dominance and sexual conquest. These double standards cast long shadows, shaping attitudes toward sex for centuries.

Fast forward to today, and while we’ve made strides in some areas, many of these historical ideas linger. Modern media often equates sexual appeal with power and value. To be desired is to be seen as worthy, while sexual confidence is celebrated as empowerment. But these messages are tangled with contradictions. Certain expressions of sexuality are celebrated, while others - often depending on gender, race, culture, or orientation - are criticised or shamed.

Navigating this maze of expectations can be exhausting, leaving many people questioning their identity and self-worth. For LGBTQIA+ individuals, the challenge is even greater. In many societies, being true to one’s identity is still met with judgment or exclusion. Similarly, survivors of sexual trauma often internalise harmful narratives that wrongly tie their experiences to a loss of dignity or value. These societal messages can amplify feelings of shame and unworthiness, making the path to healing even more challenging.

From an early age, we’re surrounded by messages about what’s “right” or “worthy” when it comes to sex. Families, religious institutions, and media all contribute to shaping our beliefs. For some, sex is presented as taboo, leading to guilt or confusion. For others, the message is about striving for unattainable ideals of desirability. Over time, these ideas seep into our understanding of ourselves and our relationships.

At its core, tying worth to sex is about control. Societies have long used sexuality to dictate behaviour and maintain power structures. This control plays out in laws restricting reproductive rights, in the stigma around certain sexual identities, and in the way sexual expression is policed differently based on gender or social status. Perhaps the most damaging aspect of this dynamic is how these narratives take root in our minds. We internalise societal expectations, often without realising it. They shape how we judge ourselves and others. People who don’t conform to these norms may feel inadequate, while those who strive to fit them may lose touch with their authentic selves. These patterns can lead to feelings of shame, resentment, or a constant pressure to perform according to expectations.

But understanding where these narratives come from is the first step toward breaking free.

We need to question the idea that our worth is tied to sexual behaviour, appearance, or desirability.

Instead, we can embrace a view of worth that’s grounded in kindness, authenticity, and humanity.

Sex should never be a source of shame or a marker of value. It’s a personal aspect of who we are - one that reflects our individual needs, desires, and relationships. By rejecting the idea that sex defines worth, we can create a culture that celebrates diversity and respects individuality. It’s about allowing each person to define their value on their own terms.

This isn’t an easy shift to make. These narratives have been shaping lives for generations, often invisibly but deeply. As we explore and challenge these ideas, let’s approach the process with compassion - for ourselves and for others. By understanding their roots, we can begin to heal both individually and as a society, moving toward a world where sex is not a measure of worth but a celebration of our shared humanity. So let's all start a New Year's resolution together: We are worth more than just sex, and no one but us gets to decide our value within and outside of it!

If this resonates with you, or if you want to discuss these topics further, don’t hesitate to reach out to a professional. You don’t have to navigate this alone.