Why are we so attached to money?

Let’s talk about money - not in the way we usually do, with budgeting tips or investment strategies, but in terms of how it shapes our emotions, decisions, and sense of self-worth. For many of us, money is more than just a means to an end. It becomes a source of security, a measure of success, or even a reflection of our self-esteem. And often, without even realising it, we develop an unhealthy attachment to it.

So, how do we break free from financial fear and develop a healthier relationship with money?

Signs of an unhealthy relationship with money

When we think about money struggles, we tend to focus on extremes - reckless spending, gambling, or living paycheck to paycheck. But an unhealthy relationship with money isn’t just about overspending. It can also look like:

• an obsessive need to save, even when you’re financially secure
• feeling guilty about spending money, even on necessary or enjoyable purchases
• constantly checking your bank balance for reassurance
• an overwhelming fear of financial instability, even when your income is stable

Where do money fears come from?

For many of us, these patterns don’t come from nowhere. They’re deeply rooted in the messages we absorbed growing up. If you were raised in a household where money was tight, you may have internalised the belief that financial security is fragile and fleeting. Maybe you heard phrases like “We can’t afford that” or “Money doesn’t grow on trees” and felt the underlying stress that came with them.

Even if money was never openly discussed, you likely picked up on the emotions surrounding it - tension, relief, fear. And when money feels like the only thing standing between us and uncertainty, it’s no wonder we cling to it so tightly.

While money can provide security, it can’t fix everything. And when we rely on it to feel safe or in control, we end up letting it control us instead.

How to build a healthier relationship with money

Having a strong attachment to money doesn’t mean you’re greedy or materialistic. In fact, for many people, it’s not about wanting luxury or excess - it’s about needing a sense of stability in an unpredictable world. Money becomes the safety net, the one thing that feels certain when everything else doesn’t. But, when that attachment becomes too strong, it can create its own kind of stress.

1. Recognise that money is a tool, not your worth

Society doesn’t make this any easier. We’re constantly bombarded with conflicting messages - save aggressively, but don’t be so frugal that you don’t enjoy life. Be responsible with your money, but also indulge in self-care and experiences. Strive for financial freedom, but don’t let money define you. It’s a dizzying mix of expectations, and in trying to keep up, we often feel like we’re never doing enough.

At the same time, money is presented as both a problem and a solution. Advertisements tell us that spending will bring happiness, while financial experts warn us that poor money management will ruin us. We’re pulled in opposite directions and, in the middle of it all, it’s easy to lose sight of what money actually is - a tool, not a measure of our worth.

2. Challenge fear-driven money beliefs

If you’ve ever felt stuck in an anxious, fear-driven relationship with money, you’re not alone. And the good news is, it doesn’t have to be this way. The first step is recognising that your thoughts and emotions around money are learned behaviours, not unchangeable truths.

Just because you grew up with financial anxiety doesn’t mean you have to carry that weight forever. Just because you’ve felt guilt about spending doesn’t mean you don’t deserve to enjoy what you’ve worked for.

3. Shift your mindset around financial security

A healthier relationship with money starts with a shift in mindset. It’s about seeing money as a resource that supports your life, rather than something that dictates your happiness or sense of control. It’s about learning to trust that you will figure things out, that financial security isn’t just about numbers in an account but also about your ability to adapt and navigate challenges.

4. Give yourself permission to enjoy what you’ve earned

If you find yourself overthinking money - whether it’s fearing you’ll never have enough or feeling guilty about spending - take a step back. Remind yourself that your worth is not tied to your bank balance. Give yourself permission to enjoy what you’ve earned. Recognise when fear is making financial decisions for you rather than logic. And above all, remember that money is just one part of the equation.

You deserve a life that feels full, meaningful, and free - not one where every decision is weighed down by financial worry. And no matter where you’re starting from, you have the power to rewrite your story with money.

If this resonated with you, or if you’d like to explore these feelings and behaviours further in a safe space, don’t hesitate to reach out to me or any of the wonderful counsellors/therapists on this site. Sometimes, all it takes is a little perspective shift and support to start moving toward financial and emotional peace - not just in your bank account, but in your mind.