The psychological reality behind “money can’t buy happiness”

It's an adage we've all heard countless times: "Money can't buy happiness." For those navigating financial hardship, it can sound like an insensitive cliché. Money can indeed attend to the basic human necessities that can form a secure base from which positive self-esteem can emanate from. However, there is anecdotal evidence of some homeless people who are more content with their lives than other much more affluent individuals. How can both these contradictory realities co-exist in the same world?

The illusion of automatic contentment

In the world today (and for many years leading up to today), society has structured itself in a way that has created a belief among many that being wealthy automatically equates to happiness. Society often assumes that once basic needs are met and financial security is achieved, contentment naturally follows. The narrative is often one of striving for wealth, with the assumed promise that happiness resides at that destination.

Part of this fallacy could come from affluence giving more control over how an individual can use their time, which does not necessarily equate to happiness, but places those in a better position to pursue activities of their choice. What this can potentially do is create an environment in which wealth can help individuals have better control of how they utilise their time. While society can perceive wealth from the status of a person, how an individual wants to utilise their time is a deeply personal choice. This perspective is both vital to, as well as transcends the question of "what's next to be happy?" once financial goals are met.

The burden of privilege

The adage "money can't buy happiness" isn't a moral judgment; it's a psychological observation worthy of scrutiny. While wealth certainly alleviates the stress of basic needs and opens doors, it doesn't automatically meet the psychological needs of human beings. If your personal identity is strongly connected to your financial position, having the wealth that you wanted can itself feel more like wearing golden handcuffs rather than a source of contentment.

What makes matters more difficult is if you, as a person who has the wealth which you know is sufficient to make you happy, feel a sense of guilt, or worse, shame, to admit to your unhappiness. You "should" be happy, "should" be grateful, and the internal disconnect can feel like a personal failing, rather than a common human experience. The question shifts from "What's next to be happy?" to "What is all this for?" Would just admitting that paint you as a failure in the eyes of society? Do you feel as if there's something inherently wrong with you for “having it all” but still being discontent?

These kinds of fears can mean that people who are in that situation are more reluctant to reach for support than those with more urgent problems of survival. This silence deepens the internal void. But how do you admit to feeling empty when you objectively possess so much? The fear of appearing ungrateful, of being judged, or of having your struggles questioned ("What can you out of all people possibly have to complain about?") keeps many suffering in silence, rather than seeking the very understanding and support needed.

Why it can be so hard to talk about

It can be difficult to discuss your experience with peers or even relatives when you fear you're valued for your status rather than your authentic personality. You might question motives when someone asks you questions if you interpret them with suspicion. This can lead to an unshakable sense of loneliness, even when surrounded by people.

When one is in such a state of despair, where can you start? Part of the answer is to get to know yourself better, beyond the image you project to the world as a default. This involves getting a better awareness of your own likes and dislikes, preferences and unique needs, which are distinct from the societal narrative. Do you know your passions, values, and contributions independent of your financial standing? Answering this question can involve the challenging journey of exploring your internal psychological landscapes and own narratives, which construct your worldview.

While not needed by everyone, psychotherapy can help with your journey of self-discovery by providing the space for supportive self-reflection. The confidentiality offered in the therapeutic space can empower those hesitant to speak their mind without fear of judgment from those who may have their own agenda.

Finding fulfilment

The path to happiness is not about sacrificing your abundance, but more about redefining what personal fulfilment means for you. So, giving it all away and living life as a hermit in a distant corner of the world isn’t necessary – unless, of course, that is what personal fulfilment means for you! An acknowledgement that external privilege does not guarantee internal peace can be the starting point to courageously embarking on a journey inward. It is often not achieving a goal that creates happiness but the excitement of the journey itself, when that journey is a manifestation in alignment with your personal values.

If the weight of "having it all" feels heavier than the joy it should bring, you need not suffer in silence. Seeking support does not mean you are any less grateful for the privileges available to you. An empathetic therapist can help you with your journey to personal fulfilment by supporting you towards integrating your abundance with a purposeful and richly contented internal life.