When adult children move back home: Tips for a smooth transition

Has your adult child moved back home, leaving you wondering what this new 'normal' will look like? With rising housing costs and changing job markets, more and more young adults in their mid to late 20s are returning to live with their parents. As this is more typically after they've experienced a taste of independence, these are sometimes known as the "boomerang" generation, and it brings unexpected changes to family dynamics, especially when everyone's adjusting to new roles under the same roof again.

Why are young adults returning home?

Back in the day, the typical life trajectory followed a pattern of completing school, moving out for work or uni, getting married, and having kids. Maybe this is the route your life took. But this is no longer the norm. It is now quite common for young adults to return home and live with their parents for an extended period after finishing their full-time education. There are multiple reasons for this, such as finishing university, job changes or redundancy, facing mental health challenges or burnout and (I'm sure you don't need me to remind you) the cost of living crisis is putting a strain on everyone.

A shift in roles and expectations is natural, given the change from parenting your child or teenager to sharing your space with an adult, which can cause tension. You're no longer managing their life, but you are sharing a home, and it's not unexpected to feel caught between wanting to help without hovering, leaving you feeling like you're walking a tightrope. Plus, it's all too easy for old habits to reappear, on your side as well as theirs. They no longer need you to set curfews, expect to know where they are or do their laundry. 

Common sources of tension:

• Different routines and standards (for example, around tidiness, noise or house guests).
• Financial contributions - should they pay rent, contribute to groceries, and household bills? 
• Balancing independence and involvement - how do you distinguish between respectful support and intrusion?
• Sibling dynamics (if other children are still at home).

Strategies for peaceful co-living:

So, what are some practical strategies to make co-living smoother?

• Initiate a conversation early: Have a discussion with your adult child as soon as possible. Work with them to set clear expectations together, rather than just imposing rules.
• Agree on contributions: Be specific and clearly define who is responsible for household chores, financial contributions, meal planning and other shared responsibilities.
• Respect their independence: They are adults now, with established lives and routines. Resist the urge to treat them in the same way you used to - they don't need parenting any more.
• Communicate openly: Schedule regular times to check in and include what's working as well as what's not working so well. Don't wait for issues to come up before addressing them.
• Set boundaries (with kindness): Everyone in the home should have clearly defined boundaries in place around their personal space, routines and privacy. 

Looking after yourself 

Having an adult child move back home can bring a real mix of emotions: connection, pride, frustration, and even grief over the loss of space and freedom. This transition is significant, and it's completely normal to find it challenging.

You might feel torn between the desire to support your child and the need to redefine your own role in the household. Old emotions or stress that you didn't expect might resurface, especially as you adjust to changes in routines, expectations and household dynamics.

Give yourself the space and time you need to make this adjustment. If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed, consider reaching out to a friend, partner or counsellor for support.

Setting clear boundaries, sharing responsibilities and having regular check-ins can help create a calmer, more respectful home for everyone. And don't forget to look after your own well-being during this time. This is a new chapter for you, too! If things start to feel heavy or stuck, counselling can help you find clarity, feel more confident, and help you move forward.