The silent shadow: Understanding and overcoming the fear of death

I'll be turning the big 5-0 in December - but I'm grappling with seeing it as a time to celebrate. As the days count down, I'm experiencing something quite profound. As much as I try to reason with myself, reflect on the positives, and embrace my journey......I have some uncomfortableness around this new number. 

The fear of death, or thanatophobia, is a deeply personal experience that is starting to really resonate with me (and no doubt, most of us in unique and profound ways). It's a complex concept for me. But for people full stop. I realise it can stir up a wide range of feelings, from a subtle unease that lingers in the back of our minds to an all-encompassing dread that casts a long shadow over our daily lives.

While the fear of death is a universal human experience, it manifests differently in each individual. Some may notice it occasionally surfaces, while others may grapple with a constant, all-encompassing dread that colours their every waking moment.

But without question, it is nothing more than a testament to the fragility of human existence; though one that can so easily shape our worldview and our approach to life.

While grappling with my thoughts of mortality, it's obvious to me that although it's natural, it needs to be in proportion. An overpowering fear of death could cast a very dark shadow over our existence, clouding our day-to-day joy and stifling our potential for growth. I remind myself of this every single day.

I regularly meet with people - both personally and professionally - who also struggle with the concept of their own death, and it causes issues from mild anxiety to outright fear and dread.

The enigma of death itself, the fear of the dying process (like will it be calm and pain-free?), thoughts of leaving our loved ones, past traumas or the death of other people, and then - of course - questions about life's purpose...all play a role in perhaps intensifying our anxiety towards mortality.

If left to run amok, the effects can reverberate throughout our lives, seeping into our thoughts, actions, and relationships. Chronic anxiety, avoidant behaviours, and a deep sense of detachment from the present moment can all be byproducts of this pervasive fear.

In my experience, it's not unusual for this to start spilling into existential crises, too. The BIG questions start to take hold, such as "Is there something after this life?" Personally, I feel certain there is. There's no doubt for me. Not in a religious way, but in a spiritual way. At least that gives me some comfort.

But amidst the shadows, therapy emerges as a guiding light, offering pathways to confront our fears and forge healthier ways of coping.

Some of the useful therapeutic approaches:

• Cognitive-behavioural therapy (CBT): Challenges negative death-related thoughts, fostering more balanced perspectives.
• Mindfulness-based therapy: Cultivates presence and acceptance, easing anxiety and fostering peace.
• Existential therapy: Explores life's meaning, easing existential angst and nurturing purpose.
• Psychodynamic therapy: Delves into deep-seated fears, fostering healing and growth.

Embracing the impermanence of life, challenging negative thought patterns, and seeking therapeutic support can guide us towards peace and acceptance in the face of our own mortality.

But beyond therapy, philosophical and spiritual practices offer additional avenues for grappling with this unease. Exploring faith, spirituality, or philosophical inquiries can provide frameworks for understanding our place in the universe and fostering a more positive outlook on mortality.

I feel that it's crucial for me to acknowledge that the fear of death is a natural facet of my (our) humanity. And then there's gratitude. I am making a big effort to look at the things in my life that I'm grateful for. I'm healthy. I'm happy. I love. And I am loved. There's nothing I'd change.

So maybe 5-0 isn't bad, after all, and I may only be halfway through this crazy life!

I'm aware I'm incredibly fortunate to have the life I do. I know that not everyone is as lucky, and that must be incredibly difficult. So, if you're reading this and your life isn't where you want it to be, please know that it's never too late to make a change. Many people, sadly, don't have that opportunity.

Cherish every moment, and make the most of your time. Don't be afraid to reach out for help, share your burdens, share your feelings, pursue your dreams and take steps towards a better future.

Your life and time are precious, so make it count. 

Good luck.