Navigating celebrations: Tips from an autistic therapist

December is fast approaching, and with it, in the UK, the inescapable festive break draws closer. Not all of us celebrate Christmas, of course. There may be other religious or secular festivities at different times of the year that you find overwhelming. In fact, it could even be a fairly small-scale recurring gathering, which makes you uncomfortable but you somehow feel you have to attend. And maybe here lies the key – the obligation to take part, to forego your needs and wishes in favour of keeping others happy… What do you think? What is it for you?

Do you get the festive dread?

Navigating exuberant social activities can be a challenge for people of all neurotypes and perhaps more so for those of us who are autistic. This short piece is written on the basis of both my personal and professional experience and it always remains an individual perspective. 

Now, I have rushed in here, assuming you find festivities overwhelming. You might not. You might love the sensory excitement that they bring. We are all wonderfully different.

If, however, the thought of visitors in your home, compulsory dinners and present-giving with all its excess makes you wish you could sleep through it, I am with you. You might feel like the celebration is 'happening to you' and there is no choice but to tough it out. The routine you are used to may be disrupted, which could make you feel unsettled and irritable. All of this can build up and result in spectacular meltdowns you would rather avoid.

How to manage festive stress

So how do you navigate a stressful period, which everyone else appears to be thoroughly enjoying? In one sentence: understand yourself, be kind and stand by your needs.

Here are some tips to help you regain control of the festive season:

• Be aware of what you enjoy and what drains your resources.
• Take control of your experience by planning in advance and negotiating with significant others to have your needs met.
• Communicate why you might wish to participate on your terms.
• Create a space to retreat to and allow yourself breaks to self-regulate.

These may seem like straightforward points but I completely understand putting them into action might be difficult. It strikes me that autistic experience can sometimes be overcast by feelings of inadequacy and shame, so high self-esteem and self-advocacy may not come easy.

Ultimately, if you don’t feel worthy enough to have your needs met, then it can be very hard to negotiate for that with other people.

Wondering whether you may need some help?

This is where therapy comes in. A trained counsellor can support you in discovering your genuine self and help with achieving an authentic way of living, which brings benefits both to you and to those around you. After all, have you noticed how much easier it is to offer kindness to others when you yourself feel content?

I can’t speak for other therapists but in my clinical experience, mental well-being starts with self-acceptance, with being honest with yourself about who you are and what your past has been. It's also about appreciating your own uniqueness and making the most of what you have. This makes a great base for growth in the direction of your choosing.

Immediate steps to feel better right now

It's amazing how much of a positive difference sufficient sleep at night, breaks during the day, good nutrition, exercise and positive social interaction can make. You may also need time alone. Solitude is restorative for a lot of my clients.

If you find the approaching celebrations foreboding, I encourage you to think about this list of foundational needs. Perhaps attend to what has given way.

At any time of year, please remember to be gentle with yourself, especially if you are going through a tough time. Notice the tone of your internal voice. Speak to yourself as you would to your best friend. Make sure to acknowledge your achievements, no matter how small.

One more thing that I would like to share with you is the importance of small acts of kindness first to yourself, and then to others.

Here is a practical suggestion to get you started:

You may just find yourself wondering where that festive dread has gone after all.