Midlife, reinvention, and finding our place again

I turned 50 last year. And let me tell you, there’s something about hitting this milestone that feels both exhilarating and disorienting in equal measure. On one hand, I’ve gained more experience, wisdom, and self-assurance than I ever had in my 20s or 30s. On the other, I’ve noticed how society often nudges women in midlife toward the background, as if we should start taking up less space.

But I don’t see it that way. And I know I’m not alone. More and more women are stepping into this phase of life with a fierce determination to redefine it on their own terms.

There’s a name for us now: Queenagers.

Eleanor Mills, founder of Noon and author of Queenager, describes this as a turning point - a time when women in midlife are reclaiming their power, their purpose, and their identity after decades of navigating relationships, careers, caregiving, and often, putting themselves last.

Midlife as a moment of reckoning

For many of us, our 20s and 30s were spent proving ourselves - to our bosses, partners, families, even to ourselves. By 40, that need for external validation begins to fade. And then, at 50, something shifts entirely.

For some women, midlife brings sudden changes - a divorce, a career pivot, an empty nest. For others, it’s more of a quiet realisation:

Who am I now, when I’m no longer just the sum of the roles I’ve played? I don’t think we talk about this enough. Instead, the dominant narratives often sound like:

• It’s just menopause.
• You should be grateful for what you have.
• Maybe you’re just stressed?

Society still struggles to see midlife women clearly, but we are still here. We are a force to be reckoned with.

Women over 45 make 93% of consumer decisions. We are at the heart of families, workplaces, and communities. And yet, many of us feel unseen. 

The myth of decline: Why midlife can be a new beginning

A common belief I grew up with was that midlife marked the beginning of the end. But through my own experiences and conversations with other women, I’ve come to see it differently.

Eleanor Mills calls it reinvention, and that word deeply resonates with me. Because at 50, I find myself looking at life through a new lens. I’ve lived through burnout, self-doubt, and the relentless pressure to prove myself. Now? I focus less on what others think and more on what truly matters to me.

That reinvention isn’t about erasing the past - it’s about choosing what to carry forward.

For me, this has meant:

• Letting go of perfectionism. I spent years believing I had to be everything to everyone. Now? I choose where my energy goes. If something isn’t a hell yes, it’s a no.
• Challenging outdated narratives. The idea that women in midlife are "past their prime" is outdated. Midlife is our prime - we’re just redefining what that means.
• Reclaiming my body and mind. Menopause hit me hard. And with my hysterectomy, I was thrown into it overnight. The changes were intense. But I’ve learned that my body isn’t something to fight against - it’s something to understand, nourish, and work with.

The role of therapy: Finding someone who sees the whole you

One of the biggest challenges I hear from women in midlife is not being taken seriously - by doctors, workplaces, or even by themselves. Many of us have spent years taking care of others, and when we finally say I’m struggling, the response is often dismissive:

• Oh, that’s just life.
• Maybe you’re just overthinking it?

This is why I believe finding the right therapist is so important. Not just someone who hands over worksheets and calls it a day, but a therapist who understands:

• How hormones impact mental health. (It’s frustrating how little we’ve been taught about this.)
• The grief that can come with midlife transitions.
• The unique pressures that women face at this stage of life.
• The power of relational therapy. Because we heal in connection, not isolation.
• Therapy at this stage isn’t about “fixing” us. It’s about helping us hear ourselves again.

Building a midlife that feels right for you

So what does this mean in real life?

For me, it means making space - for joy, for rest, for things that genuinely light me up. It means getting really clear on what I value and making no apologies for it. It means recognising that midlife isn’t a crisis - it’s an awakening.

If you’re reading this and feeling lost in this phase of life, I want you to know: You are not alone.

Whether you call yourself a Queenager or just a woman figuring things out as she goes, you deserve to be seen, heard, and supported. And if that support includes therapy? Find someone who truly gets it. Someone who understands you, not just your symptoms.

Midlife isn’t about fading away. It’s about stepping forward - on your terms.

Reclaiming ourselves without guilt

For too long, we’ve been told that putting ourselves first is selfish. That wanting more - more joy, more connection, more space to breathe - is indulgent.

But at 50, I know this:

• Rest isn’t a luxury - it’s necessary.
• Desire isn’t something to suppress - it’s something to listen to.
• Strength isn’t about holding everything together - it’s about knowing when to let go.
• I refuse to wear burnout as a badge of honour anymore.

I refuse to be the strong one if it means breaking myself in the process.

And I refuse to fade into the background, because this? This is my time.

And it’s yours too.