Five things to consider when choosing a therapist

You may have been struggling with something recently more than usual, or you may have found yourself in a new situation: perhaps you feel sad and down, and you've noticed it weighs on you more than before, or you may have gone through a break up with your partner, or perhaps you feel very lonely and tearful, finding yourself spiraling into these feelings that come as waves and cannot be stopped anymore.

Whatever it is, something inside you feels like you don't want to battle with it on your own anymore, and you might be ready to reach out to a therapist. Taking that step can feel vulnerable, confusing, or even overwhelming. Below are five things to consider before choosing a therapist.

1. The fit

If possible, meet your therapist before committing to ongoing sessions. Many therapists offer an initial consultation or introductory chat, and this can be a valuable opportunity to get a sense of who they are and how they work. Get to know two or three therapists. You may want to explore their profiles, tune in to what and how they write about their approach, and listen to their voices if there's an option. 

I generally don't recommend contacting more than this. Searching for support may already be a demanding task, and you may be in a more vulnerable or overwhelmed moment of your life than usual. Treat yourself with care and respect, and try not to add decision fatigue or “multiple choice paralysis” to an already full plate. Rather than looking for perfection, ask yourself a simpler question: Do I trust this person enough to begin this journey together?

2. The feeling of being heard

Therapy is deeply personal, and the first contact matters. During the initial meeting, particularly if it is just a short intro chat rather than a full session, you are not expected to share your whole story or dive into “doing therapy.” Instead, notice how it feels to speak with this person. Can you imagine how this dialogue might continue over time? Initial consultation isn't for conducting a speed therapy session; it's for you and for your therapist to sense your needs and their capacity to help you.

3. The willingness to explore together

Your therapist will be exploring your world with you. Can you imagine being honest with this person, even when it's uncomfortable? Therapy works when you can bring your messiness, your doubts, your ambivalence. Notice how your body feels when you talk to them. Do they seem curious about your experience, or are they rushing to fix you? You're looking for someone who can handle your honesty. Whatever the modality, are you happy for this person to be your companion?

This is your decision, but again, don't make it too difficult for yourself. Do you feel safe enough to trust them enough to take the next step? You are looking for someone who can stay with you when things feel messy, unclear, or ambivalent.

4. You don't need to automatically 'click' with your therapist

Your therapist is not meant to become your friend. You won't be going for a coffee, although some may serve you a cup of tea if you meet them in person. We live by clear boundaries to support clients' safety and autonomy, so don't worry if you think it's not a 'perfect match'. It really doesn't need to be, because on this journey, like any meaningful relationship, there may be moments of misunderstanding or difficulty, but what matters is how you go back to work together. Trust develops over time. Re-read point three: your willingness to work together.

5. You don't need to have it all figured out

You don't need to know what modality suits you best or have your thoughts perfectly organised before reaching out. Across many approaches, we know that what really works in therapy is the relationship. Paying attention to fit, being heard, and your willingness to explore together is often far more important than getting everything “right” from the start.

If you’re considering therapy, you don’t need to have everything figured out. What matters is finding support that feels right for you.