Fertility problems and their emotional impact
There are many different experiences and circumstances that can affect someone's journey to parenthood. According to the NHS, around one in seven couples may experience difficulties when trying to conceive.
Fertility problems can trigger all sorts of feelings and affect people in many different ways. Some people may feel anxious about their future or experience anger, shame or guilt. Others may feel isolated, lonely or overwhelmed.
Relationships with friends and family may come under strain. If you are in a couple, you may each be dealing with the situation very differently – one person may want to talk about it, while the other may prefer not to.
How can counselling help?
Your partner, family, and friends can be a wonderful source of comfort. For some people, that’s enough. However, some people find it helpful to get extra support from a counsellor or from people with direct experience of their situation.
In this video, Madeline Lyons-Applebee, a member of the British Infertility Counselling Association (BICA), explains how counselling can support you.
Counselling before starting fertility treatment
Counselling can be a useful way to prepare for fertility treatment, giving you space to think through the possibilities and consider ways to make the process feel more manageable. Fertility clinics licensed by the Human Fertilisation and Embryology Authority (HFEA) must offer you the opportunity to speak to a counsellor before treatment begins.
At this stage, therapy can give you space to acknowledge the emotional impact of the process and think about what might help you manage it. This could include talking about support at work or exploring how you might cope with different outcomes. Some people may also find it reassuring to think about what they might do if treatment doesn’t go as hoped, without feeling they need to make any firm decisions.
Counselling during fertility treatment
Fertility treatment can feel like an emotional rollercoaster, so getting support from people who understand what you’re going through, or from a professional, can be helpful.
Counselling sessions during fertility treatment can help to address any worries you're feeling. With your therapist, you can explore practical ways to manage stress and cope with some of the emotional challenges you may be experiencing. This may help you feel more supported during a time when things can feel outside of your control.
How fertility problems can affect relationships
Fertility problems can have a stressful impact on relationships. It can be isolating and affect how a couple communicates with each other and with those around them. There can be a profound sense of loss and grief that can affect closeness.
Fertility problems can bring feelings of sadness, shock, fear or guilt. One partner may also feel responsible for the difficulties you're experiencing, which can put additional pressure on the relationship.
Support groups
Meeting and talking to others who can relate to what you’re going through is a type of support your loved ones might not be able to offer. There are a range of voluntary groups that offer support and advice, and some fertility clinics also have specialist support groups for patients.
FertilityFriends has online forums to help you connect with others who understand what you're going through.
What happens if fertility treatment doesn’t work?
Finding out that treatment hasn’t worked can be heartbreaking. Even if you tried not to get your hopes up, it’s understandable to be disappointed if things don't go as you had hoped. If you’re in this situation, you may need time to process what has happened and recover physically and emotionally.
When you feel ready, your doctor can talk you through your options, including whether further treatment may be appropriate and the likelihood of its success. They might suggest a different course of treatment or talk you through other options available to you.
If further treatment isn’t possible, or you’re unsure whether you want to try again, you may find it helpful to talk to a counsellor. Counselling can give you space to process how you’re feeling, explore your options and consider what feels right for you.
Deciding whether to try fertility treatment again
It can be so difficult to know whether to continue with treatment. Every individual and couple is different, so whilst some people want to keep trying, others prefer to move on.
You may want to consider how you feel about continuing treatment, alongside the likelihood that further treatment will be successful and the impact it may have on you and those close to you. Having support around you can be helpful while you consider what feels right for you.
You may want to explore other ways to build your family, such as using donated sperm, eggs or embryos, surrogacy, or adoption.
Talking about infertility and getting support
If you have concerns about your fertility, try to talk to someone you trust – your partner, a close friend or family member, or a mental health professional.
Experiencing difficulties when trying to conceive can affect your mental health, and fertility treatment can also take its toll on your wellbeing. It can be an emotional time, and you deserve to be listened to and supported.
How to support someone going through IVF
If someone you know tells you that they’re undergoing fertility treatment, it can be hard to know what to say or do. Here’s how to support a friend going through IVF.
What should I be looking for in a counsellor?
When looking for a counsellor, you may want to consider someone who has experience supporting people with fertility problems or who has undertaken additional training in fertility counselling. Depending on your circumstances, you may also want to look for someone with experience in couples counselling.
If fertility problems are affecting your emotional wellbeing or relationships, talking to a counsellor can give you space to explore how you’re feeling and what you’re going through. Find a counsellor who specialises in fertility issues.
