In this modern day society are we becoming more controlling?
I wonder, the more we become reliant on media and technology such as mobiles, the more we develop a need to control. If someone doesn’t answer your text or get back to you within a certain amount of time, is that ok for you? Or do you demand that someone answers within a certain amount of time, or find yourself arguing if your partner or friends don’t return your calls.
We can see now when a person has read a text or a message, does this make it more frustrating if they don’t reply?
Is this making us more controllers of others? More demanding of others?
Many people would not recognise how much they are becoming controllers of others or allowing themselves to be controlled, until a step back is taken to contemplate their behaviour.
The recession seems to have also raised many anxieties of the uncertain, what does this do? It increases the need to control the environment for many. When we feel out of control of what is going to happen? We tend to start behaviours that help us feel more secure. What are these?
I am sure you will know yourself, but to name a few would be, cleaning, having items in certain places, exercising more, routines and regimes, spending money.
We tend to be creatures of habit, we are comfortable in our familiar surroundings, to be turned out feels very unsettling. We risk losing what we have worked for - our homes, our security.
Did you ever think that nothing is that secure? We can try to find things to increase security but do we then live in constant fear of change? To learn to adapt, is to learn to survive.
Embracing uncertainty can be freeing. Letting go of what we are unable to control and knowing what we can control (if anything) is liberating. Letting go frees us from the constant fear of change and loss. Opens ourselves up to new things and feeling unrestricted. We stop trying to control others, this only creates wedges between people. We let ourselves feel and think, without controlling these, we then can manage our emotions, and the emotions won’t control us. Mindfulness is a great way to practice this way of being. It is not judging ourselves or situations, or others. It helps us to accept ourselves and others. Check this out https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qzR62JJCMBQ by Andy Puddicombe talking about the present moment.
In counselling sometimes clients feel that they need to do something, or to achieve something during counselling. I sometimes feel the pressure to perform and give clients something to do. When I have succumbed to this, I find the relationship feels more detached, when I work with clients who go with the flow, trusts the process, the relationship we have tends to be much stronger and deeper. Not that doing tasks isn’t useful at times, it is but in my experience, I often feel it deters from going deeper. This is an interesting YouTube video to watch that relates to letting go and what this means.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vIDRNSdJc_w by Burt Harding.
Thank you for taking the time to read this article.
About the author
My name is Sarah Thorpe, I work self employed as a counsellor working in Doncaster with Adults, Children and their families. I have a background of working with people in maintaining emotional and psychological stability due to life experiences.
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