Endings to beginnings
Written by listed counsellor/psychotherapist: Ian Wallace MBACP Reg
8th February, 20160 Comments
It’s a puzzle to me that people see endings in a negative light. The start of something always concludes with an ending, or we always have to let something go to get something new. An example of this for me would be that a contract that I have had for the last four years is about to close. Now I can see that as a negative, losing income, hours, contacts and having a gap in my weekly schedule, but if I saw it in that way then I could not possibly move forward. I may dwell on these things and become despondent.
In my world I see that as a process - in order for something new to appear space has to become available. Having this positive view allows me to look to the future options and possibilities and not dwell on the past and remain stuck. That means that I am excited about what will emerge to fill that space and I look optimistically to that future possibility, helping me to journey through the loss I have incurred to the beginning of that new possibility. If I dwelled on the loss then that might engage me in a more pessimistic low mood or even depressive occurrence which would hinder other possible work or things I might be doing. This might then transfer on to other people I am engaging with; clients, family or friends. So by being optimistic, it not only helps me to engage with my world more positively but also helps the people I see and engage with.
We all have to experience endings of one sort or another, it’s part of life and what humans have to become accustomed to. If we don’t have loss as part of our experience then when it does finally arrive we may well not be able to cope with it and may have some kind of emotional or physical breakdown. This is the attachment and detachment process we normally experience from an early age. It helps us as we go through our lives to cope with and positively process endings and separations. We need to mourn our losses but then grow through them. If we don’t do this we can get stuck in the ending and that will hinder moving forward in a positive, constructive and productive way.
We hold on to endings in denial at our peril. This can engage with a perception which can never be a reality, doing so will eventually lead to a much greater explosion of negative emotions and have the consequences of a higher degree of emotional turmoil and reaction.
See endings not as an ending but rather as beginning a future option which you could not have engaged with before.
About the author
Ian is a specialist on human relationships, having over 8000 hours of face to face work over the last 15 years. He gets to the heart of the problem quickly and helps people to understand "why they do what they do". He also Teaches on this subject.
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