Counselling Directory
0
menumenu
Are you a counsellor? Log in Join us
Find a counsellor
  • Home
  • What's worrying you?
  • Getting help
    • What is counselling?
    • Types of therapy
    • FAQs
    • Find a counsellor or psychotherapist
    • Worried about someone else?
    • Not sure where to start?
    • Self-care
  • Articles
  • Events
  • Facts & Figures
  • News & Stories
    • Recent news
    • Your stories
Log inJoin us
Saved profiles (0)
  • Home>
  • Expert articles>
  • Masks

Masks

Written by listed counsellor/psychotherapist: Lucinda Milne Diploma in counselling

14th March, 20180 Comments

Lucinda Milne Diploma in counselling

Do you wear masks?

Think about your day, the person that gets out of bed and looks in the mirror, is this the same face/mask that is seen by your family, friends, colleagues? How would it feel to show the real you? Is it easier to wear the mask people want or expect to see?

Let’s consider why we put these masks on. Fear of the reactions of others can be a huge factor in why we put on masks. If we present ourselves with a mask as a confident fun-loving person, it is not going to be easy to show the vulnerable individual who hides beneath, we may worry that we will lose friends or not progress further with our career if we expose who we truly are. How true do you feel that statement is? The truth is, we all hide behind masks to a certain degree. We have a need for acceptance and the temptation is to err on the side of what we think others want to see. It is, however, tiring constantly having to be this masked version of the real you.

There is a chance that if we are constantly hiding, we will lose our own sense of identity and what our real goals and ambitions are. Consider what the real you (the unmasked version) really wants. Are you in your chosen career or one that was suggested for you? Are you reaching your full potential or is mask of insecurity or the perceptions of others preventing it? Do you get what you need from all of your relationships or does a mask prevent you from accessing all that you need (always there for others when behind your mask there is someone crying out to be heard too)? Hard questions I know, however, you deserve to be true to yourself. Exposing vulnerabilities is difficult and takes great strength and courage. If your masks are preventing you accessing what you need and deserve then perhaps you could consider allowing others to see aspects of the real you that need to be nourished too. You are worth knowing as the individual you are, once you can accept the real you yourself, give others the opportunity to accept the real you too.

If you can try to figure out why you wear different masks in different situations or with different people. When we know the reasons behind our behaviours there is a greater chance that we can alter this if this feels like the right thing to do. Defence mechanisms can play a big part in the masks we wear. If for example we feel insecure we may use humour to cover this up, if we feel threatened we may become more defensive (reactive).

Consider the new born baby, born without masks yet accepted as the beautiful untarnished individual they are. The masks develop from the reactions we receive from others, if we are not accepted for who we are, we will adapt and present another version of ourselves to see if that receives a more favourable reaction. Sometimes this is an advantageous learning experience, but other times it leads to the loss of the individual we are.

Start slowly with people you trust and see if you can peep out from behind some of those masks. It may not always be successful but keep trying in different situations. It is exhausting having to constantly swap masks!

Harness the real, authentic you.

About the author

Lucinda Milne Dip Couns Reg MBACP
Awareness in Bereavement Training
Certificate in Autistic Spectrum Disorder
I have worked in the bereavement sector since 2013.
I have a wide variety of experience working with both adults and children covering a range of issues.
I have experience in working with children with additional needs.

View profile

Related articles from our experts

Dahlian Kirby
How to be counselled - a beginners guide

Dahlian Kirby

April 7th, 2018
Marissa Walter Dip Therapeutic Counselling, MBACP (Reg) NCS (Accred Reg)
The value of counselling - what am I paying for?

Marissa Walter Dip Therapeutic Counselling, MBACP (Reg) NCS (Accred Reg)

April 5th, 2018
Andrew Harvey Counsellor & Therapist, In Nottingham
From addiction to recovery

Andrew Harvey Counsellor & Therapist, In Nottingham

April 16th, 2018
Can a relationship survive without intimacy?

Keeley Townsend BA (Hons), Ad.Dip.CP with Distinction, MNCS (Acc)

December 14th, 2009
Imi Lo: Psychotherapist, Art Therapist & Author (MMH,UKCP,HCPC,FRSA,MBPsS)
Why do I feel nothing? Emptiness and borderline personality

Imi Lo: Psychotherapist, Art Therapist & Author (MMH,UKCP,HCPC,FRSA,MBPsS)

March 29th, 2015
Andrea Harrn Psychotherapist and Author of The Mood Cards
What is Passive Aggressive Behaviour?

Andrea Harrn Psychotherapist and Author of The Mood Cards

May 13th, 2011

Counselling Directory is not responsible for the articles published by members. The views expressed are those of the member who wrote the article.

Share on: Facebook Twitter Google+ LinkedIn
Find a counsellor or psychotherapist near you
Select multiple
Advanced search

print this pagePrint this page

Get involved Connect with us, we're social.
Facebook
Twitter
YouTube
More information
  • About us
  • Recommend us
  • Legal terms
  • Privacy/Cookies
  • Browse by region
  • Press centre
  • Find a supervisor
  • Links
  • Site map
  • Site help

Contact us

  • Counselling Directory, Building 3
  • Riverside Way, Camberley
  • Surrey, GU15 3YL
  • Membership Services Team:
    0333 325 2500 *
  • Contact us
Copyright © 2018 site by Memiah Limited

* Calls to 03 numbers cost the same as calling an 01 or 02 number and
count towards any inclusive minutes in the same way as 01 and 02 calls.

Healthy ideas that change the world

Get our free monthly e-magazine straight to your inbox

Find out more at happiful.com