Why we fear labels: Identity, stigma, and the power of being seen

Labels are everywhere. We use them to describe the world around us, to make sense of things, and to communicate our experiences. In so many ways, they’re useful. They give us language, structure, and shared understanding. But when it comes to identity - especially mental health, neurodivergence, and how we see ourselves - labels can carry a whole different weight. For many people, the idea of being labelled is loaded with fear, anxiety, and even shame.

So, why do labels feel so heavy when they’re meant to help? Let’s gently explore the deeper reasons behind this fear and how we can move toward a more compassionate, flexible way of seeing ourselves and others.

The power behind a word

Labels are powerful. They can influence how people treat us, how we’re perceived, and even how we see ourselves. And whilst that power can sometimes be affirming and validating - like finally having words to describe your experience - it can also feel confining. Many people worry that once they’re labelled, that label becomes all anyone sees. It becomes a box they’re expected to stay in, even when their true self is far more fluid, nuanced, and evolving than any single word could ever reflect.

This is one of the deepest fears around labels: that they strip us of our complexity, our wholeness, and our right to change. That they reduce our identity to something rigid or clinical. And for people already navigating sensitive experiences - like mental health struggles, neurodivergence, or exploring gender and sexuality - that fear can be paralysing.

Stigma and stereotypes

One of the main reasons people shy away from labels, especially those tied to mental health, is the stigma still attached to them. Society doesn’t always respond kindly or accurately to conditions like depression, ADHD, BPD, or schizophrenia. Even today, people can be unfairly judged, discriminated against, or excluded because of a diagnosis. And it’s not just about how others see us - over time, we internalise those messages too.

You might hear a label and instantly think, “That means I’m broken,” or worry that others will assume the worst about you. Labels like “unstable,” “difficult,” “lazy,” or “dramatic” get wrongly assigned to people with very real and valid struggles. This can prevent people from reaching out for help. It can make them feel ashamed of something they never chose and completely alone in something that’s actually incredibly common.

For example, people with schizophrenia are often portrayed through a deeply distorted lens - cast as dangerous or unpredictable, when in reality, many live peacefully and meaningfully with the right support. But the stereotype sticks. It sticks hard. And it hurts.

Losing our wholeness

Labels can make people feel like they’ve been reduced to a diagnosis or identity, as if that one word replaces every other beautiful, complex thing about them.

Someone labeled “autistic” or “depressed” might find that’s the only thing others see. Their hobbies, humour, dreams, creativity, quirks, and strengths all fade into the background. Suddenly, they become “the person with…” rather than simply themselves.

But humans are never one thing. We’re stories, contradictions, soft moments, growth, survival, and imagination. And when a label overshadows that, it makes sense to feel hesitant about claiming one.

The fear of being judged

Society has long had preconceived notions about people who are “different.” Whether it’s mental health, neurodivergence, sexuality, gender identity, or even just not fitting into what’s considered “normal,” people often fear how they’ll be treated once a label is spoken aloud.

This fear of judgement can keep people silent. They might avoid therapy, not talk about what they’re going through, or hide important parts of themselves. And it’s heartbreaking - because that silence isn’t rooted in denial or rejection of self. It’s rooted in self-protection.

We all want to be seen, but only when it feels safe. And too often, labels feel like a spotlight we didn’t ask for - one that invites opinions, projections, and assumptions that have nothing to do with who we really are.

The pressure to perform the label

Sometimes, labels don’t just describe - they prescribe. Once someone is given a diagnosis or identity, people may start to expect them to act in a certain way, like they’re supposed to “fit the part.”

This pressure to perform a label - whether it’s a mental health condition, gender identity, or neurodivergent profile - can be invalidating. It ignores the fact that every experience is unique, and that not everyone shows up in the world in the same way.

This is especially true for people who “mask” - those who feel they need to hide or tone down their authentic selves in order to be accepted. Masking is exhausting, and it’s often born from this very pressure: the expectation that we have to prove, explain, or justify ourselves because of a label we carry.

Labels and the inner narrative

And then there’s how labels affect our inner world. Sometimes, we internalise the label and begin to believe that it defines our worth, our potential, or what we’re capable of. This is called self-stigma, and it can be just as damaging as external judgement.

You might start to think, “I have this label, so that means I can’t… I’ll never… I’m just…” And suddenly, the label becomes a limitation instead of a tool for understanding.

But here’s the truth: you are still you. A label can explain part of your experience, but it doesn’t erase your strengths, your voice, your dreams, or your right to be seen fully.

So… what can we do with all this?

First, we need to acknowledge that labels aren’t inherently good or bad. They’re tools. They can bring relief, validation, clarity, and access to support. But they can also bring misunderstanding, shame, and fear. The key lies in how we hold them - and how others do, too.

We can start by educating ourselves and others, reducing stigma by opening up conversations, sharing lived experiences, and challenging unhelpful stereotypes. We can choose to see labels not as limits but as one small part of a beautifully complex whole.

We can create spaces where people feel safe - in therapy rooms, schools, families, online communities - where they don’t have to hide or perform, and where their label (if they even choose to use one) is just one thread in the fabric of who they are.

Most importantly, we can work toward self-acceptance. That means giving ourselves permission to explore, to ask questions, to not have it all figured out, and to move slowly into identities that feel true. It means knowing we’re worthy of care - labeled or not.

Final thoughts

The fear of labels runs deep, and for good reason. But we also have the power to shift the meaning we give them. With more awareness, more kindness, and more willingness to see each other fully, labels can become softer - less like cages and more like bridges. Tools for connection. These are starting points, not final definitions.

Therapy is here to support you through the process. Whether you’re exploring a diagnosis, sitting with a label that feels too heavy, or unsure how to even begin, know that you don’t have to do it alone. When you’re ready, we’re ready. No pressure. No boxes. Just real support, for the real you.

Kindest always.