What is self-worth and how can you cultivate it?

Self-worth is a concept about self that evaluates the value we put on ourselves. It is one of the words we can use to describe how we feel about ourselves which, in turn, underpins the actions we take towards others. It is often a concept that focuses on the emotional side of how we value ourselves.

Why self-worth matters

Self-worth is at the core of who we are as individuals, but also how we think, feel and behave. It is one of the most critical (if not the most critical) concepts about self because it is the one that evaluates the value we put on ourselves.

We tend to measure our sense of worthiness by gauging and comparing ourselves (thoughts and actions) against what we believe to be the standard of others. We tend to only compare ourselves in areas that matter to us. Noticing the areas which our sense of value comes from enables us to further explore our frame of reference for that particular area and identify what drives it.

For example, some of those areas could be our appearance and its significance, our jobs, our families, our hobbies or passions, our friends or even our material possessions.

How to identify your sense of self-worth

Ask yourself the below questions and reflect on the answers to understand better where your sense of self-worth comes from:

• In which situations do you tend to compare yourself, or evaluate yourself against a standard or a person?
• What areas do you focus on? Is it your appearance, your friends, etc?
• Have you ever pretended to be someone you’re not, thinking that it would help others accept you more?
• In which situations do you find your sense of self-worth growing? When do you feel a sense of pride?
• What are your insecurities and when do they manifest?

The role of the inner voice

Self-worth is closely connected to our inner voice. When facing situations where we feel a lower sense of value, our inner voice gets louder. Being able to put forward enough evidence to challenge our inner voice will quieten it down. Our inner voice - also called our inner critic - thrives on our fears and anxious thoughts.

Only the belief that you put on the value of your achievements will help to lower your inner critic. Challenge your inner voice with requests for evidence of what is being said.

For example, if your inner voice tells you that you are not good enough to apply for a job, then challenge your inner voice with the following question: “What is the evidence that shows that I wouldn’t be good at this job?” Start drafting a list of the achievements which validate that you would be good at that job.

Self-worth is unconditional

Self-worth comes from a feeling inside oneself, not through someone else or the things we do for someone else. Self-worth is not conditional to anything.

For example: “If my partner loves me, then I am loveable.” Shows a condition to feel loveable which depends on someone else. This is likely to indicate low self-worth. Whereas, “I am loveable because I am a loving and caring person” is driven by an inner sense of value and recognition and is likely to indicate high self-worth.

Self-worth needs self-acceptance and self-compassion to grow. If we are not kind to ourselves and accept who we are, then we will be more likely to have low self-worth which, in turn, affects all of the other self-concepts such as self-confidence or self-esteem.

Self-worth is found when, no matter what happens externally, we remain stable within ourselves in feeling valued, in a way that we stop measuring ourselves against a standard or someone else. We accept our achievements for what they are and appreciate them. We are all different and accepting that those differences exist and will be the source of achieving differently is key to succeed in growing self-worth.