What does good counselling look like?

What does good counselling look like to you? 

I think good counselling that we benefit from, grow from and feel better from is very individual to each of us. There are some things we can agree on though. Good counselling is somewhere you feel safe enough to air your deepest fears and the darkest parts of yourself. 

Like Carl Jung said, we have a 'shadow self' which describes the part of our personality we keep hidden or we repress. He argued that it is only when we accept that part of ourselves that we can grow and improve our well-being and our relationships. Accepting that we have a dark side isn't easy, but let's face it we are all flawed human beings. Flawed and needing a safe space to explore our feelings. 

Therefore, I believe the most important part of our counselling journey is the relationship we have with our counsellor. If we can trust our counsellor enough to hold us in that space - accept us for our strengths and weaknesses and everything grey in between we can start to gain that realisation and that potential of not only who we are but who we can grow to become. If we are shown genuine warmth and care by our counsellors we can internalise that as self-love and not give up on ourselves despite our faults.

What does that safe space look like to you? To me, it looks like a therapist or a counsellor who brings in their whole being into the room - their humanness, their humour, their flaws. A counsellor who is approachable and sets the tone for me to be able to relax in the room is when I feel safe. A warm counsellor can help you to feel nurtured. An empathetic counsellor will validate your feelings. It doesn't matter who is right or wrong, who may be weak or who may be strong our feelings matter. They are a part of us.

We are human beings and not human doings for a reason. Who we are is more important than what we do. If we can pause and truly reflect on that we start to appreciate ourselves that little bit more. We can unpack those thoughts, feelings, hopes, fears and dreams that little bit more freely. 

Another very important part of the counselling journey I feel is to become authentic. I feel this can be achieved when our counsellor is authentic. What does it even mean to be authentic? It doesn't just mean honest or real or genuine. Authentic means living by our values. Authentic means not hiding behind false truths but taking responsibility for our actions. Authentic means being able to be at peace with being wrong but still believing we are worthy of love.

Counselling and therapy are a lifelong journey in my opinion. Even if we only engage in a few months of therapy, what we gain can remain with us for life. The changes we make may not be instant. This will risk sounding clichéd but trust the process. Trusting the process isn't just about trusting the counselling process, it is about being patient with yourself because life is a journey and we are all on it individually. So when you embark on that therapeutic journey, remember you are worthy. You deserve to be heard.