Unexpected outcomes of using DNA genetic testing

Over 30 million people worldwide (source BMC Psychiatry) are estimated to have taken a DNA test. The testing kits are easily obtained for a moderate fee. Once received, you simply spit into a tube, send this back for testing, and a few weeks later, the results are in. For thousands of people, DNA testing is seen as a fun way to discover more about their family history, physical traits, hidden traits and finding other family members.

However, there can be significant, unforeseen consequences to DNA genetic testing. Before taking the DNA testing journey, it is worth thinking about what some of these consequences could be. The results may not be what you were expecting.

Not parent expected (NPE) and misattributed parent event (MPE)

The terms MPA and NPE are used when people using DNA testing sites, learn that their mother is not their mother, or their father isn’t their father. I learnt about these acronyms a couple of years ago when chatting to someone socially. They talked openly about their DNA testing outcome. They discovered their father was not their biological father. The negative impact on their mental health was profound.

Finding out that your parents are not who you thought they were can be traumatic. Your world is rocked, becoming unstable as the foundations of your life suddenly crumble. Discovering that your mum, dad, or both are not your biological parents may uncover hidden family secrets about how you were conceived. There could be any number of reasons for this, including infidelity, sexual assault, sperm donation, surrogacy and adoption.

There is very little research on DNA testing and NPE/MPE outcomes. Research carried out by Guerrini et. al. in 2022 (Guerrini et.al.) indicated that 3% of the total sample learned that the person they thought was their biological parent was not. This means that thousands of people who use DNA testing sites are receiving the shocking news that their parents are not who they thought they were.

Psychological impact of NPE/MPE 

Identity

There is a sense of belonging in a family. You have shared genes, a bloodline. Stories, anecdotes, photographs, and mementoes are passed on from generation to generation. There are shared physical characteristics and traits. You are known; you belong. For adoptees today, they are supported by life stories so they have a sense of where they came from, who they are. But it has not always been that way. In the early to mid-20th century, unmarried mothers were often forced to give up their babies for adoption; sent away to give birth instead of bringing ‘shame’ on the family. Programmes like Long Lost Family trace these stories, usually with a positive outcome, but in reality, that is not always the case.  

Imagine, as an adult, finding out your DNA results are NPE/MPE. Your sense of belonging is shattered. The life story you thought was yours, your identity, is suddenly filled with holes. You question ‘Who am I?’ and begin, what for many is a desperate search for answers. You have not changed, but the world you knew has.

Grief and loss

Those impacted by NPE/MPE will experience grief and loss. Loss of identity. Loss of the family they thought they had. Loss of the unknown biological family. Loss of a life they have missed. They may feel they have been lied to, a loss of trust. The shock can lead to anger, confusion, and feeling untethered and isolated. For some, this leads to low mood, depression and can impact their physical and emotional well-being. Grief can be utterly overwhelming and completely debilitating. A deep, unrelenting sadness as they mourn for what they have lost.

Family relationships

The shock of NPE/MPE can affect the whole family. Secrets may have been kept. There may be past infidelities that have been hidden, locked away for years. Other family members may also be reeling from shock. The news can tear families apart, causing rifts that may be difficult to heal.

For some, there may be relief that at last the secret is out, we can talk about it. The person impacted by NPE / MPE may have always felt the odd one out in the family, may not have the same physical traits, or may have heard whispers or rumours over the years. The news may validate their feeling of ‘difference’. 

Ethical and moral considerations

The news that your parents are not who you thought they were will lead to thoughts of what to do next. Who could you tell? How would they take the news? Should I tell? It could break up the family, will that be my fault? You may want to contact your biological parent, which in itself is fraught with anxiety. What if they don’t want to know me, reject me? You will not know what you will find; there could be more shocking news or secrets. 

In adoption and sperm donation, it is common to have a confidentiality clause where names are not shared. DNA testing bypasses this by providing contact information of DNA matches. Ethical dilemmas are many. There may be other siblings and family members you never knew about. Secrets may have been kept from them, too – the news has the potential to rock their world as well.

Emotional distress and coping mechanisms

We are all unique and will respond in our own way to the news of misattributed parentage. For some, it can lead to poor physical and mental health, or impact existing low mood, depression, as they process the news. Some may find unhealthy coping mechanisms, such as alcohol or drugs as the news is just too much to ‘feel’. In many ways, it is grief at its worst, shock, disbelief, numbness, overwhelming sadness and loss.

Finding support

For many people, they find support, comfort, and answers in talking with friends, partners, and family members. Family members may know more about the circumstances surrounding the parentage, and may be relieved to talk about it.

Social media has responded with peer Facebook support groups such as DNA identity surprises, DNA identity surprises and this NPE life. These are closed groups, and you have to be a member to take part in discussions. Some of those impacted by NPE/MPE have written books on how it affected them. You can search for these using online sites like Amazon. There can be comfort and support in having a network with shared experiences, knowing you are not alone. 

How counselling can help

Counselling and other helping professions can help NPE individuals to process their feelings, as they navigate their new world, to rebuild their identity, and sense of self.

Final thoughts

If you are thinking of purchasing an online DNA test for yourself, or as a gift for a friend or family member, be aware of negative, unexpected consequences. Be prepared for surprises, some of which, of course, may be positive. In fact, for the vast majority of people using DNA testing, it is a fun experience, helping to trace long-lost family members or understanding their ancestry. 

If your DNA results come back as NPE/MPE, negatively impacting your wellbeing, you are not alone. Help is available. Whilst there is little research, the impact is not fully known, awareness is increasing. Connecting with a community with shared experience, seeking counselling can help you to process your emotions.