The five myths that are unhelpful to mental health

It can be helpful to look at some common myths and misconceptions around mental health, as these ideas can shape the way we think about ourselves, therapy, and asking for help. These are based on things I often hear both inside and outside the counselling room.

Myth 1: counselling is for those who are in crisis

Although therapy can of course be helpful for those who are in crisis, the truth is that many people seek counselling for a variety of different reasons. Counselling can be a way of maintaining good mental health and developing coping strategies to be able to deal with stress quickly and effectively.

Many people who seek therapy are able to function daily. They parent, work and carry out daily activities perfectly OK, but just sense that they are not quite themselves and seek to find someone neutral to talk to in order to help. This is often described as a sense of exhaustion and a feeling of not having time for themselves.

Myth 2: if you're self-aware, you shouldn't need therapy

People often think that those in therapy are not able to recognise their own thoughts and emotions. This can be a message we tell ourselves too: “I don't need counselling because I have strong opinions and know my own values.”

The truth is, many people have the ability to look internally and can explain right from the first session what they feel they need. Counselling sessions act almost like a mirror as the counsellor walks alongside you, supporting you in your thoughts.

Another myth that often comes alongside this is that the counsellor has some magic insight or ability that others do not. The truth is that the counsellor's role is to support you in seeing the things you have already noticed in a different way. The subconscious knows and understands a lot more than we realise.

For example, Deborah comes to counselling because she wants to lose weight. She has developed exercise plans and has a good idea of what her targets are, yet she still struggles to meet her goals. Through therapy, Deborah realised that she wants to do everything perfectly and becomes downhearted if she moves away from her goals even slightly. In her sessions, she learnt to set more manageable goals and count her successes rather than her perceived failures. Deborah begins to enjoy working out and notices her progress, which makes losing weight easier and much more enjoyable.

Myth 3: reading online means I should know what to do

We are surrounded by a wealth of information, and don't get me wrong, in many ways that is a wonderful thing. It helps us articulate what we are thinking and feeling. It also helps us feel less alone and breaks down the feeling that we are the only ones going through this.

However, when we have this information, we assume we also have the tools to support ourselves in “fixing” the problem. The truth is that we learn by being shown and can, at times when we are feeling stuck, benefit from a helping hand from someone who has the right training and tools.

Arman recognised that he had trouble saying no and, through watching videos and reading, learnt that he needed to say no more and set boundaries. Because of this, he decided to say no to everything just to get some practice in. Arman soon found himself feeling quite isolated, lonely, and unsure what to do. Through attending counselling sessions, he learnt to ask key questions such as “Is this something I want to do?” This helped him recognise his own preferences and gain confidence in saying no at the right times rather than saying no in order to protect himself or saying yes to everything.

Myth 4: good mental health means never feeling anxious

I often ask clients when they would know that they have good strategies to support them in anxiety. I am often told, “When I don't feel anxious anymore.” There is a stigma around anxiety, which means that we often feel that because it makes us anxious or uncomfortable, we should get rid of it. This, in turn, means that whenever feelings of anxiety surface, we view ourselves as having failed.

Yet some anxiety can be extremely helpful. I often ask myself and others, “What do you think would happen if we never felt anxiety or fear?” It soon becomes apparent that, as a society, we would be in real trouble. We would never prepare for anything important, such as a job interview or exam. We would be fearless and not rational, resulting in us making rash choices such as walking out in the middle of a busy road.

The truth is, some anxiety can be helpful. It motivates us to prepare and stops us from putting ourselves into dangerous and unpredictable situations. Anxiety becomes a problem when it stops us doing most things or everything we want, even if deep down we know it’s safe. It can then become problematic and stop us from living life to the full. This is where counselling sessions can support as it helps us refocus on where anxiety can be welcomed and when it needs to be changed.

Myth 5: asking for help means you’re weak and have failed

The truth is, asking for help is one of the strongest things we can do for ourselves. It is a brave step to say, “I need someone to walk alongside me.” There are many things that each of us cannot do. I am pretty hopeless with numbers, so I hire an accountant. That does not make me a failure. It means I recognise in myself when I need that bit of extra help and am brave enough to ask for it.

Which myths are stopping you from moving ahead today, and how can you take that next step?