Teenage anxiety in exam season

As a counsellor who has supported young people for over 25 years, I witness the same emotional landscape unfold every spring: the arrival of exam season brings with it a wave of anxiety, pressure, and self-doubt in teenagers and a fair amount of stress for their parents, too.

While most of us remember the nerves that came with our own exams, it’s important not to underestimate the scale of what young people face today. Academic pressure has intensified. School success is often linked, rightly or wrongly, to future opportunities and the constant comparison culture of social media can make failure feel devastating.

For teenagers still figuring out who they are and where they belong, it’s no wonder that anxiety can spike at this time of year.

But as parents and carers, how do we get the balance right? How do we encourage and motivate our teens without tipping them into overwhelm?

Understand what they’re really facing

Every teenager is different. Some might appear confident, but carry enormous internal pressure. Others may seem disengaged but are quietly panicking. The first step in supporting your child is to understand their version of stress.

Get curious, not critical. Ask questions like:

• “What feels hardest about this right now?”
• “What do you feel you need from me?”
• “Is there anything that’s making it worse?”

These gentle, open questions create space for conversation without piling on more pressure. Avoid jumping into solutions too quickly. Instead, aim to listen without fixing. Often, feeling heard is enough to soothe some of the inner noise.

Encourage without overloading

One of the most common things I see in my counselling room is well-meaning parents pushing too hard, not out of unkindness, but out of fear. We want our children to succeed. We know they’re capable of more. We believe that a push will help them reach their potential. But if your child is already overwhelmed, even gentle nudges can feel like demands.

It’s a delicate balance. Motivation matters, but so does mental well-being. If a teenager hears, “You need to try harder,” they may translate that as “I’m not good enough.” Instead, try saying, “I can see how hard this is and I believe in you.” Affirm effort, not outcome.

Take the time to really get to know your child’s limits. Some young people thrive on structured revision schedules. Others need to break things into short bursts with regular breaks. Some are emotionally exhausted before they even open a textbook. Tailoring your support to your child, not the child you wish they were builds trust, safety and resilience.

Help them stay grounded

You can’t sit the exams for them, but you can help them stay emotionally steady through the process. Encourage small, practical routines:

Food and rest

No teenager performs well on three hours of sleep and a bowl of cereal. Make sure they’re eating regular meals and getting adequate rest, even if it means helping them put down their phone at night.

Organisation

Help them plan revision in manageable chunks. A whiteboard, planner or even a handwritten list can make an unstructured mountain feel more doable.

Breaks and movement

Walk the dog, stretch, breathe. Moving the body is a simple but powerful way to reduce anxiety and improve focus.

Most importantly, remind them and yourself that exams are only one part of a much bigger picture. They are not a measure of worth, intelligence or future success. They’re just one step along the path.

When to seek support

If your teen is experiencing panic attacks, withdrawing from activities they once enjoyed, avoiding school altogether or showing signs of distress that doesn’t go away after exams, counselling can help.

Therapy offers young people a confidential space to explore their feelings, reduce anxiety and build confidence. It isn’t about fixing them, it’s about helping them discover tools that work for them, in a space where they don’t have to mask or perform.

As parents, we’re not expected to have all the answers. But we can model calm, compassion and care.

We can say, “This is hard, but you’re not alone in it.”