Separated or Divorced?

Along with bereavement, divorce can be one of the most stressful events in life. I have been through a major separation and know that it equals divorce on the shock, stress and hurt scale.

One in three marriages ended between 1995 and 2010. The statistics for separation are less clear. But statistics don’t make it any easier for those left behind, carrying the pain.

Infidelity seems to be the most common cause of separation and devastating to the partner who finds out.

“I found cosy texts on her mobile. When I confronted her she told me that marrying me fifteen years ago had been a mistake,” said Mark.

Abuse can be physical and emotional. Alcohol, drugs or mental health problems can contribute to making a relationship unbearable.

“I dreaded him coming through the front door…I couldn’t live in fear any longer,” said Rita.

Going through a divorce or separation of any kind can bring up a whole range of difficult emotions and you may feel as though this process might never come to and end. Sometimes it can feel like being on a rollercoaster. Whether you realised separation was inevitable or it came completely out of the blue, it can lead to shattered confidence in yourself and loss of trust in others.

Counselling can give you the space to talk through these difficult feelings and help you rebuild your sense of inner worth. When you have the space to go through the difficult emotions, you may feel more able to deal with the outside world again.

Your counsellor can help you to rebuild a sense of trust within the safety of the therapeutic relationship, which can then help you rebuild your confidence and emerge again, perhaps never the same but with an inner change, feeling stronger, calmer and with a new sense that whatever happens next, you have the knowledge and tools to deal with things that come up in a way that perhaps you never had before.