Parenting teens: Keeping the peace during busy times

One thing I hear pretty much all year round is how busy life often feels, but stress can feel more pronounced around certain times of the year, such as school terms, holidays or family events.

Increased demands on your time as you're trying to manage everyone's expectations (including your own) can leave you feeling emotionally and physically drained. So, how can you find ways to maintain a sense of calm, connection and understanding during these hectic times?

Talk about expectations beforehand

Before things start getting too hectic. Maintaining expectations is more manageable when everyone knows what's coming up and when. Encourage input from your teenager, letting them express how much they want to participate in activities. That way, you have a good start in understanding where your and their expectations may differ and can take these into account to meet in the middle somewhere.

Keeping a sense of flexibility is key - rigid expectations and perfectionism do not help to reduce pressure on anyone.

Recognise signs of stress in your teen

So that when they start to show it, you can address it. You know them best, so you will most likely recognise these signs in them, such as irritability, withdrawal or unexpected changes in behaviour. You don't have to sit them down for a big heart-to-heart; just encouraging a check-in on their feelings is a positive start.

Part of your preparation for potentially busy times can be talking about helpful ways to manage stress, such as pausing and taking a couple of deep breaths, moving your body, getting outside or writing your feelings down in a journal.

• Set aside regular one-to-one time with your teen focusing on quality time rather than quantity. Don't underestimate the power of a check-in, you could easily do this as the kettle is boiling!
• Practice actively listening to them so that they feel heard and valued. This means listening and acknowledging what they've said without jumping in to fix or offer solutions. 
• Recognise the effort they're putting in even when times are stressful. Positive reinforcement really works and helps them feel more confident in themselves. 

Connection over perfection 

This means prioritising quality rather than quantity time together with short but meaningful interactions. You might enjoy watching a favourite show together, taking the dog for a walk or baking a festive cake.

Let them have their downtime when they need it without making them feel guilty. We all need some alone time, even at the busiest times of the year.

Model self-care

... and show them what boundaries and self-care look like. How can they be expected to be kind to themselves and give themselves a break when you never do this for yourself? These busy times of the year can bring up old memories or feelings, which can be challenging. Make recognising the importance of self-care and looking after yourself part of your family tradition. 

Trying to keep on top of day-to-day life is challenging enough, especially when teens are involved, and this can feel even more tricky at particularly busy times of the year. Remind yourself and your kids that it's okay if things don't go exactly to plan or get a little complicated — life gets messy! It's how you manage these ups and downs that counts, and it's important that you approach challenges together. 

If you're struggling with managing expectations or want strategies to help keep connected with your teen, reaching out for support can make a big difference. Talking with friends or people outside of the chaos can help you realise how common this experience is! If you're worried about your teens and how they cope, counselling can help. Taking small steps makes a big difference and can lead to a merrier and brighter holiday period.