Is AI my friend or not?

Let’s face it: AI is everywhere now. We only have to pick up our phones to be greeted by AI-generated products and messages. We watch a video and scroll to the comments and we often see "this is AI". Whenever change happens it creates strong opinions and when it comes to AI, some hate it while others love it.

For some, AI does not belong in the counselling room, and other counsellors are much more open to it. This article explores the potential benefits AI offers and where it may be sensible to be more cautious.

The positives

AI is available 24/7. It doesn’t judge, it doesn’t grow tired of us and it can give us practical tips when we need them. Let’s face it, when we are lying awake at three in the morning, no-one wants someone telling us “you’re just being silly” and AI will usually reassure us “that everyone feels like that and we will be OK”. AI can also help by offering tips to support intrusive thoughts, such as grounding techniques.

I often encourage my own clients to actively use AI to find ways to express themselves mindfully. For example, take Lea. We discussed journaling in a session, and Lea asked AI for a selection of journal ideas and different ways to journal. This helped her to feel less overwhelmed and began to make a start on her journey.

AI gives us skills that we may lack. When I was younger, I wanted to be a journalist but was told that my English just wasn’t strong enough. AI helped me find my own voice by correcting my spelling and grammar, which gave me the confidence to try again.

This is where I think AI can be useful, as it can help us take big emotions and write a calm letter or email. It can help us take our spinning head full of thoughts and give us strategies to calm down.

It can also give us confidence to try new things. For example, Leo wanted to try a new hobby, but he struggled to decide what, as he had so many thoughts running through his head, which he felt was linked to his ADHD. He typed his personality and what he wanted to try into Google Chat, and AI broke it down into three options with places to look. This still gave Leo choice, but it also helped him focus and gave him places to look.

The cautious part

So when is it time to be cautious? The thing with AI is that it tends to always believe us, no matter what the situation, and that can be worrying when we are struggling with our own thoughts. A friend or a counsellor can be objective and question our beliefs, and yes, that can upset us sometimes, as everyone wants to be believed.

Yet sometimes in that hurt and upset, which we often refer to in counselling as a rupture, there can be a grain of truth that asks us to question whether this is based on fact or feelings. This is an important part of building relationships: the misunderstandings, the building trust again, and the reaching out for support. A big part of relationships is the ruptures we learn from and experience.

For example, Mia had an argument with her father and asked AI what to do. She told the chatbot that she hated her father; he always had a go at her and stopped her from doing what she wanted. These feelings were very real to her in that moment. AI suggested that her father may be controlling, which really frightened Mia and made her even more worried and upset.

Mia took this to her next counselling session and together, herself and the counsellor looked at how controlling behaviour is often a pattern and helped her to assess whether similar patterns were emerging in her relationship with her father. While doing this, Mia remembered times when her father stopped her from doing things, but with the counsellor's support, she also shared that he helped her find her first car to keep her safe and other ways he encouraged her to find freedom.

Mia decided that there wasn’t a clear pattern of behaviour that showed control, but she did acknowledge how much it hurt her when her dad treated her like a child and did not respect her feelings. She decided to place some boundaries around this and talk to her father.

So what is the answer?  

I think it’s up to each person to decide for themselves whether to use AI and how to use it, but it is clear that AI does not completely replace human contact. Not only because living behind a screen is lonely, but also because always being right can actually be unhealthy.

It may be better to think of AI as a tool that can support us – helping us develop skills, explore new ideas and try new things – rather than something that replaces human connection. Ultimately, finding a balance that feels right for you may be the best place to start.