I think I’m autistic or ADHD - can counselling help me?

The short answer is yes! I expect you’re wondering how and why, though? Well, let me try to explain...

To understand how and why, you first need to understand what impact ADHD, autism and other neurodivergent conditions can have on you, whether in terms of your mental health, your life choices, career, education, physical health and so on. If you’re reading this because you are diagnosed or think you may be autistic or ADHD, your neurodivergence is likely a fundamental aspect of your character, so there is really no limit to the number of ways it could have impacted the course of your life. 

Across each different aspect of life, there is the potential that you could have experienced complex trauma. In wider society, the general understanding of trauma is that this is something only people who have been to war or experienced a serious accident have experienced. But in actual fact, trauma is possible any time you have been in a situation where you did not have the skills to cope with what you had to manage.

Complex trauma happens as the result of multiple traumas, usually in childhood or early life. Given that the majority of neurodivergent people are not diagnosed until later in their lives, and that one of the aspects of neurodivergence is difficulty processing sensory information, it’s not hard to understand why many will have found themselves in traumatising situations in early life. Think brightly lit supermarkets, itchy school uniforms and noisy classrooms, for example. 

Other common experiences which unite many neurodivergent people include being misunderstood, being denied support due to a lack of perceived need, being bullied and experiencing social isolation. All of these can increase the risk of trauma and poor mental health longer term. These can also lead to making life choices which contradict your values or desires, for example, despite wanting to feel connected to others and enjoy the benefits of friendships, you may avoid contact with others because the pain of previous bullying or rejections due to being misunderstood feels too difficult to risk again. 

If you struggled at school and experienced the prejudice of a teacher, a parent or peers who told you that you were just an idiot, you may have avoided pursuing qualifications or a career that you wanted, believing it would never be possible for you to achieve such things.

The list truly is endless. 

The upshot of all this is that you find yourself living a life which is at best unfulfilling and at worst leaving you feeling seriously depressed, alone, hurt, defeated and angry.

So, how can counselling help?

Firstly, counselling can provide a safe space in which you can freely vent all these feelings that you may not be able to share with anyone else, either because there is no one else you feel able to trust, or because you are worried others will not understand the things you feel and think and may try to shut you down.

You may be fearful of expressing or feeling the feelings that come with talking about your life and history, particularly if these carry grief or shame. It can be painful and overwhelming to deal with these feelings and to share them with someone else. However, this is an important early step in healing. Processing difficult emotions in the presence of someone calm and open has a soothing effect and helps to alleviate the intensity of those feelings, making the experiences they relate to gradually less painful to live with.

Counsellors are trained to enable and allow all of these thoughts, feelings and emotions to be shared and enabled without judgment. 

As a result, you may become aware for the first time of all the feelings these experiences have left you with. Perhaps you didn’t realise how much resentment you’ve been carrying for the teacher who pressured you to keep up your drama classes, believing you secretly loved it, when you hated the spotlight and feel sick even now recalling the horror of it? Or maybe you want to indulge your love of sci-fi with a partner who shares your passion, but now find yourself feeling trapped in a relationship with someone who derides them? 

Whatever way your neurodivergence has manifested in your life choices, and however painful this may be to uncover, awareness of this is the first step to healing. There is much evidence to show that being heard and understood by a counsellor you trust has a positive impact on psychological health (see multiple examples of research collated by the UKCP). 

The second way in which counselling can help neurodivergent people is through the development of greater autonomy. When you actively engage in counselling, you are creating the space to make more active and conscious choices about different aspects of your life. The sense of control this provides can increase wellbeing, reduce feelings of anxiety and reduce anxiety-driven behaviours and lead to making changes which support your true values and goals. 

For example, you may have toyed with the idea of switching careers for a decade, finding reasons not to do so, yet have a persistent nagging feeling you want to try it that just won’t go away, regardless of the inconvenience it creates! Discussing this with a counsellor may help you understand your underlying motivations, what matters to you, why you haven’t made the switch and may support you to pursue that change by helping you navigate the many challenges a career change presents. Realising a goal or ambition which has felt impossible because of the unexamined beliefs you have been holding onto subconsciously is one of the many positive outcomes that is possible as a result of counselling. 

Finally, counselling can help you accept aspects of your neurodivergence which you may have been shamed for in the past or have tried to suppress. As I said before, counsellors are trained to accept you in all your wonderful uniqueness and whether it’s your passion for sewing every style of toga worn in Ancient Rome or your obsession with ordering everything in your house according to colour, your counsellor can help you own it and live more authentically without feeling the need to hide or apologise for the things that bring you joy (so long as they do no harm). Authenticity correlates highly with increased well-being after all (Rivera et al, 2019) and is something counselling can support you to achieve. 

References:

• Rivera et al (2019), Understanding the Relationship Between Perceived Authenticity and Well-Being, American Psychological Association, Review of General Psychology Vol. 23(1) 113–126.