How trusting yourself can lead to trusting others

Trust is the foundation of every meaningful relationship we build. It creates safety, connection, and understanding. Without it, even the strongest relationships can feel fragile or distant. But trust isn’t just about believing in others - it starts with trusting ourselves. If we don’t trust our own instincts, feelings, or decisions, it becomes difficult to trust others fully. We second-guess our judgments, question our worth, and struggle to navigate relationships with confidence.

The roots of self-doubt

Self-trust isn’t something we’re born with - it’s a skill that develops over time. Many of us struggle with it because of early life experiences. Childhood plays a critical role in shaping how we see ourselves and our ability to trust our own perceptions. If, as children, our feelings were dismissed or invalidated - whether by caregivers who couldn’t handle big emotions or by a culture that valued toughness over vulnerability - we might have internalised the belief that our emotions are unreliable.

For example, if you grew up in a household where you had to take on responsibilities beyond your years (a dynamic known as parentification), you may have learned to prioritise others’ needs over your own. Whilst this can make you highly responsible, it can also make you doubt your own instincts and leave you feeling disconnected from what you need. Similarly, if you were frequently told you were overreacting, you may have learned to gaslight yourself, questioning whether your feelings were valid. Over time, this self-doubt can create a cycle where you rely on others for reassurance, rather than trusting your own internal compass.

How past relationships reinforce self-doubt

Our struggles with self-trust don’t stop in childhood. The relationships we build as adults continue to shape how we see ourselves. Often, we’re drawn to relationships that feel familiar, even if they’re not healthy. If we’ve been in relationships - romantic, platonic, or familial - where our emotions or boundaries weren’t respected, we might start to believe we can’t trust ourselves to choose the right people or to advocate for what we need.

When this happens repeatedly, we may fall into self-sabotaging behaviours that seem to reinforce the idea that we aren’t trustworthy. Maybe we stay in toxic situations because they feel safer than the unknown. Maybe we hesitate to make big decisions, fearing we’ll get it wrong. Or maybe we find ourselves constantly seeking external validation, afraid to rely on our own judgment. These patterns can make us feel like we’re the problem - when in reality, they’re symptoms of the wounds we carry.

Attachment styles and self-trust

Our attachment styles also influence how we trust ourselves and others. If you have an anxious attachment style, you may struggle with self-trust because you rely on external reassurance to feel secure. If you have an avoidant attachment style, trusting yourself might feel easier than trusting others, leading you to push people away to maintain control. And if you experience anxious-avoidant attachment, you might swing between craving closeness and fearing it, making trust feel like an impossible balance.

Regardless of attachment style, the way we relate to others is deeply connected to how we relate to ourselves. If we don’t trust our own emotions or judgments, it’s difficult to build truly secure relationships with others.

Rebuilding self-trust

So, how do we begin to trust ourselves again? The first step is recognising that self-doubt isn’t a personal failing - it’s often a learned response to past experiences. And just as it was learned, it can be unlearned.

One of the most powerful ways to rebuild self-trust is by validating our own emotions. Instead of dismissing or second-guessing how we feel, we can start by asking, What is this feeling trying to tell me? Our emotions exist for a reason. They are signals, guiding us toward what feels right and warning us when something is wrong. By listening to them - without judgment - we begin to rebuild confidence in our ability to navigate life.

It’s also important to practice making decisions for ourselves, even in small ways. Whether it’s choosing what we want to eat without asking for input or deciding how to spend our time based on what feels good to us, these moments help reinforce that we can trust our own judgment. This then ties in with setting boundaries. When we consistently ignore our own needs to keep others happy, we reinforce the belief that our feelings don’t matter. But when we practice saying no, when we honour our own limits, we send ourselves the message that we deserve to be listened to - including by ourselves.

How self-trust strengthens our relationships

Trusting ourselves isn’t just about improving our own confidence - it transforms the way we connect with others. When we trust ourselves, we’re less likely to seek validation from people who don’t respect us. We’re better at recognising healthy, reciprocal relationships. And we’re more willing to be vulnerable, knowing that even if things don’t work out, we will still be OK.

Self-trust also allows us to communicate more openly. Instead of fearing that our emotions are “too much,” we can express them honestly, knowing that they are valid. Instead of over-explaining our boundaries, we can set them with confidence. And instead of second-guessing our worth, we can show up fully, without the need for constant reassurance.

Moving forward

The journey to self-trust isn’t easy, but it’s one of the most important paths we can take. When we trust ourselves, we stop looking outward for validation, and we become our own safe space. From this foundation, we can build relationships based on mutual trust, respect, and authenticity.

So, if you struggle with self-trust, know that you are not broken. Your doubt is not a reflection of who you are - it’s a response to the experiences that shaped you. And just as trust can be broken, it can also be rebuilt.

Be patient with yourself. Be kind to yourself. And remember: every small step toward trusting yourself is a step toward building deeper, healthier, and more fulfilling relationships - not just with others, but with yourself.

If any of this has resonated, you relate to anything in this article or you feel triggered, or if you just want to discuss this any further, please do not hesitate to contact a counsellor.