How to choose a therapist: 1 tip that can make a big difference

New to therapy or switching therapists? Discover why speaking to a few different therapists, before deciding, can lead to a better fit – and better results.

Starting therapy can feel overwhelming – Here’s one thing that helped me most

Starting therapy can be a big step. Whether you're trying it for the first time, returning after a break, or looking for someone new, it’s normal to feel overwhelmed. You might wonder:

• How do I choose the right therapist?
• What if it doesn’t work?
• What if I open up and still feel stuck?

These were all questions I had when I began therapy. And later, while training to become a therapist myself, I received one piece of advice that really stuck with me – something I now pass on to anyone starting their therapy journey:

Try speaking with three different therapists before deciding who to work with.

Why you should talk to more than one therapist

The first time I went to therapy, I picked the first therapist I liked the look of online. The work wasn’t unhelpful, but something never quite clicked. At the time, I assumed that’s just how therapy was supposed to feel – useful, but maybe not transformative.

Years later, while training, a tutor recommended that I speak to a few therapists before choosing one. 

So, I took the time to have short initial calls with several therapists. Each one felt surprisingly different. One was very structured, another was open and spacious. One asked lots of questions; another let me lead. These early chats helped me tune into what I really needed. And when I found someone I connected with, the difference in the work we did was immediate and powerful.

This process showed me that finding the right therapist is about fit, not just qualifications. And it’s OK to take your time finding that fit.

Therapy is a relationship, not a transaction

It might help to think of therapy like dating, making a friend, or even hiring someone for a project. It’s not just about ticking boxes – it’s about how you feel talking to them.

Do you feel comfortable? Do you feel heard? Can you imagine opening up over time with this person?

Therapists are all trained differently, and we each bring our own personality, approach, and style to the work. Which, I think, is a good thing – it means you have options!

What to look for in an introductory call

Many therapists offer a free 15- or 20-minute introductory conversation. This isn’t a full therapy session – it’s a chance for both of you to see if the match feels right.

Here are some things to notice:

• Do you feel rushed or welcomed?
• Do you feel you could tell them that you're finding something they do difficult?
• Do they explain how they work in a way that makes sense to you?
• Are you able to ask questions without feeling judged?

Some questions you might ask:

• “How do you usually work with people?”
• “What might a first session look like?”
• “Have you supported people with similar concerns to mine?”
• “What happens if I decide not to continue after our first meeting?”

These aren’t tests – they’re just ways to get a feel for whether you and the therapist could work well together.

Be open to surprise: Try a range of therapists

Another thing that really helped me – and that I often suggest to clients – is to speak to therapists who differ from what you think you want.

Maybe you imagine you'd feel more comfortable with the same gender, or someone close to your age, or someone from a similar background. But what if the person you connect with most is different from what you expected?

Trying a range of therapists – different ages, genders, identities, and modalities – can help you discover what actually feels most supportive, not just what looks good on paper.

Let therapists know you're speaking with others

It’s OK  – encouraged, even – to let a therapist know that you’re speaking with a few people before making your choice. This isn’t rude. It’s a sign that you’re taking your mental health seriously.

In fact, the way a therapist responds to this can be informative. Most professional, client-centred therapists will respect and even welcome this transparency.

You might say:

“I’m speaking with a few therapists to get a feel for what I need. So I’ll get back to you with my decision.”

If a therapist seems uncomfortable with that, it may be a sign that they’re not prioritising your process. Therapy is about your needs, not a therapist’s caseload.

When therapy doesn’t click (and it’s not your fault)

Even with careful selection, therapy doesn’t always “work” the first time. Maybe the connection isn’t there. Maybe the timing’s off. Maybe you need a different approach.

Therapy is a relationship. And like all relationships, some will feel natural and flowing, while others won’t. If something feels off, that’s valid. If you don’t feel seen or safe, it’s okay to try someone new.

This doesn’t mean you failed at therapy – it means you’re learning what you need.

If you’re starting therapy, or thinking about coming back to it, I hope this advice helps you feel more confident and empowered.

You don’t need to commit after a single call. You don’t need to settle. You can speak to a few therapists. You can trust your gut. And you can say no if something doesn’t feel right.

Finding the right therapist can take time, and that’s OK. When the relationship is a good fit, the work you do together can be life-changing.

So take your time. Ask questions. Notice how you feel.

You’re not being difficult – you’re looking after yourself.