How bad does it have to be before you reach out for support?

It’s a question many people of all ages carry secretly: ‘How bad does it have to be before I reach out for therapy?’

Isn't therapy for 'other people'?

Even though mental health is talked about more openly than ever before, there is often a significant gap between accepting the concept of therapy in principle and recognising that it might be appropriate for you personally right now.

It can be easy to see how therapy could help someone else, but when it comes to our own lives, many of us hesitate. We look for clear evidence that something is ‘bad enough.’ We compare ourselves to others. We tell ourselves that we’re still coping, that things could be worse or that this is just a phase. If we’re still managing to get up, go to work, meet our responsibilities and function outwardly, it can feel difficult to justify seeking support.

Why we wait until it's 'bad enough'

Struggle doesn’t always look dramatic. It can be much quieter than that. It might show up as a persistent sense of anxiety or dread. Feeling emotionally drained, even after rest. Losing interest in things that once brought enjoyment. Feeling stuck in familiar patterns, particularly in relationships. Being overly self-critical or carrying a constant background hum of anxiety.

There is a powerful cultural message around self-sufficiency – the idea that we should be able to manage on our own. Reaching out can feel unfamiliar or even uncomfortable, particularly if you are used to being the person others rely on. It can raise questions about whether your experiences are ‘valid enough’ to take to therapy. You may not be in crisis, but you may be feeling far from well, either. Many people can live in this space for a long time.

Is spending money on therapy just 'an indulgence'?

Despite evidence that we are in the midst of a global mental health crisis (WHO, 2021; Santomauro et al, 2021), there is still a significant contrast in how we invest our time and money in other areas of our well-being.

We understand the value of supporting our physical health. We pay for gym memberships, fitness classes and leisure activities that help our bodies feel stronger and more capable. We attend medical appointments when something doesn’t feel right. We spend money on skincare, haircare and clothes that help us feel comfortable and confident in ourselves. We maintain our homes and our cars. These choices are rarely questioned – they are understood as part of caring for ourselves and routine maintenance. This is a far more comfortable and familiar space. 

Yet when it comes to our mental and emotional well-being – the very centre of how we experience everything else – routine maintenance goes out of the window. We tolerate poor sleep, emotional numbness, mental fatigue, chronic anxiety, low mood and relational difficulties and accept it as an inevitable part of our lot. If we thought there was just a chance we could unpack and resolve these problems and go on to lead happier, more fulfilled lives, it may not feel like such an extravagance.

You don't have to wait for crisis

Your mental health dictates how you handle stress, how you experience relationships, how you make decisions and how you feel every single day of your life. When these internal foundations are supported, everything else feels more manageable, more connected and more fulfilling.

Therapy is not only for moments of crisis. It is a space to stop and reflect. To understand patterns that may no longer serve you and to process experiences that have been carried quietly and sometimes with shame for a long time. It can also be preventative – a way of caring for yourself before things reach a point of exhaustion or overwhelm, and to develop a deeper sense of self-awareness and self-compassion.

We frequently adapt remarkably well to ongoing discomfort. We normalise stress, pain, numbness or anxiety, assuming it is simply part of our life’s destiny. Over time, this can narrow and contaminate our sense of what is achievable, what is possible. We forget that things could feel lighter, brighter, happier. We forget that we could be a better version of ourselves.

There is no mental health threshold you have to meet. You do not need to wait until you are completely overwhelmed and struggling to function. The question is not whether your issues are ‘bad enough’ by anyone else’s metric, but whether you would benefit from exploring them. Investing in your mental health is an investment in your future – in the quality of your relationships, your sense of fulfilment and your ability to live with greater authenticity.

References

Santomauro, D.F., Mantilla Herrera, A.M., Shadid, J., Zheng, P., Ashbaugh, C., Pigott, D.M. et al. (2021) ‘Global prevalence and burden of depressive and anxiety disorders in 204 countries and territories in 2020 due to the COVID-19 pandemic’, The Lancet, 398(10312), pp. 1700–1712. Available at: https://doi.org/10.1016/S0140-6736(21)02143-7 (Accessed: 27 February 2026).

World Health Organization (2022) ‘COVID-19 pandemic triggers 25% increase in prevalence of anxiety and depression worldwide’, World Health Organization, 2 March. Available at: https://www.who.int/news/item/02-03-2022-covid-19-pandemic-triggers-25-increase-in-prevalence-of-anxiety-and-depression-worldwide (Accessed: 27 February 2026).