Healing for the highly sensitive person: 'Why am I so sensitive?'

Have you ever been labelled a 'highly sensitive person' or felt that way about yourself? Perhaps this sensitivity has been a source of concern or challenge, especially while growing up. Do you find it difficult to manage overwhelm or emotions in various situations or relationships?

As a psychotherapist, I often encounter this in my practice. Many clients come to therapy feeling burdened by shame and frustration, believing their sensitivity is something inherently wrong with them. Some may have come across information linking sensitivity to ADHD, but with the rise of influencers and potential misinformation, it can be hard to discern what’s credible. This uncertainty can leave you feeling unsure whether your experiences are valid or if you’re just "jumping on the bandwagon."

In this article, I want to help you understand what it means to be a highly sensitive person, the challenges it can bring, and how it relates to both nature and nurture. I’ll also offer strategies for coping with the intensity of your experiences. Know that you’re not alone and finding the right support and understanding can truly be transformative.

Common experiences for highly sensitive people

Emotional intensity and overwhelm

You may feel emotions more deeply than others, experiencing both the highs and lows more intensely. While this can sometimes lead to overwhelm and emotional fatigue, it also means you’re deeply empathetic and able to connect with others on a meaningful, emotional level. This ability to engage deeply can foster rich relationships and a strong sense of compassion.

You may be incredibly creative and expressive. however, emotional regulation can be challenging, and even small triggers can leave you feeling drained or panicked, especially in social settings. Research on brain scans shows that HSPs have greater activation in brain regions that are associated with perception and empathy, making life intense. 

Sensory processing sensitivity

You might be more sensitive to sensory inputs like bright lights, loud noises, strong smells, or certain textures. This can lead to overstimulation in busy or noisy environments, making it harder to focus or function where others may feel fine. On the positive side, this sensitivity also means you have a heightened appreciation for the beauty in nature, art, and music. You may notice details that others overlook, leading to a deeper enjoyment of life’s subtleties. Still, too much sensory input can sometimes be overwhelming, leaving you craving calm, quiet spaces.

Rejection sensitivity dysphoria (RSD)

You may have intense emotional reactions to perceived rejection or criticism, even from small or unintentional sources. This can make you feel a sense of deep personal failure, leading to feelings of worthlessness, anger, or sadness. These emotions can be especially painful if you've experienced trauma or past emotional wounds. Over time, this heightened sensitivity may cause you to avoid situations where you fear judgment. With the right support and therapy, though, these feelings can be understood and managed, leading to a healthier self-esteem and deeper self-acceptance.

Rumination and mental spiralling

You might find yourself overthinking past experiences, replaying conversations, or worrying about mistakes you’ve made. While this tendency can lead to mental spirals and difficulty letting go of negative emotions, it also means you’re thoughtful, reflective, and conscientious. This deep thinking often brings a strong sense of responsibility and a desire to make positive changes. However, when paired with RSD, rumination can amplify feelings of rejection, leading to stress.

Nature and nurture in the highly sensitive person

Being highly sensitive is not just a personality trait - it’s also deeply linked to how your brain processes the world around you. Studies suggest that sensitivity is an evolutionarily beneficial trait, helping you to be more aware of your surroundings and more attuned to danger, which could increase your chances of survival. This sensitivity is often inherited, and passed down from parents to children but can also be compounded by your early experiences. 

Research shows that heightened sensitivity in HSPs is linked to neural pruning, the process by which the brain strengthens important connections and removes those that are less used. In your case, the brain might retain more neural pathways than others, keeping you more connected and deeply attuned to sensory information and emotions. This means the world may feel more intense, and you might become overwhelmed more easily by sounds, lights, or the emotions of others. It’s crucial to understand that this heightened sensitivity isn’t something 'wrong' or 'broken' about you - it’s simply how your brain is wired.

Additionally, if you grew up in an environment where your emotional needs weren't fully met - perhaps in a dysfunctional family where emotions were ignored or invalidated, or a home full of conflict or chaos - these sensitivities can become more difficult to navigate. You may have developed coping mechanisms like emotional suppression (masking), withdrawal, or excessive rumination to handle overwhelming feelings. These habits can become ingrained over time, creating challenges well into adulthood. Understanding that being highly sensitive is a combination of both nature and nurture can help you begin the journey towards self-awareness and acceptance. With this understanding, you can begin to show yourself compassion, process and heal past wounds, and better navigate the world with the unique gifts and challenges that come with being an HSP.

How to cope as a highly sensitive person

As a highly sensitive person, it’s important to first and foremost accept yourself and work through any trauma or shame associated with your sensitivity. Your experience is valid, and there’s nothing wrong with you. It’s understandable that living in a toxic culture - where capitalism and hustle culture often push for constant productivity and disregard emotional well-being - can make your sensitivity feel like a burden. Society tends to value speed, ‘grind culture,’ and emotional avoidance, and it’s difficult to thrive in an environment that doesn’t honour the conscious, more thoughtful way of life that many HSPs need.

Allow yourself to process how your sensitivity has impacted your life, recognising both the challenges and the strengths it brings. Finding trustworthy information can help you understand your sensitivity better, so you can validate your own experiences. HSP can coexist as a symptom of other neurodivergence such as ADHD. If you feel you have other symptoms of ADHD, it can be incredibly helpful to ask for help - this could be through seeing a GP for an assessment or requesting reasonable adjustments at work to make your environment more supportive.

To manage overwhelm, pacing yourself and prioritising self-care are key. Taking regular breaks, engaging in calming activities, and giving yourself permission to slow down can help prevent burnout in a world that constantly demands more. It’s important to recognise the energy it takes to mask your inner experience in different settings - this can be exhausting, so give yourself permission to unmask in safe relationships and communities that embrace your authentic self.

Working with a neuro-affirming counsellor can also provide you with the tools to navigate your unique sensitivity in a way that feels empowering. Be sure to find the right professional for you.

When you feel stuck in rumination or other patterns of behaviour, try to view it as a cycle rather than a seesaw, allowing yourself to step back, steer back out of it gradually and break the pattern. Time management strategies can help you stay organised without feeling overwhelmed, and managing your environment - from minimising sensory overload to creating calm, pleasurable spaces - can make a big difference in reducing stress.

Above all, make life work for you, not the other way around. This means finding ways to work with your natural rhythms and sensitivities, rather than fighting against them. Finally, celebrate the beauty in diversity - your unique perspective and sensitivity are a valuable part of the rich tapestry of human experience. You’re not alone, and with the right tools and support, you can learn to thrive as an HSP and build a better relationship to yourself in a world that doesn't always cater to your needs. Empowerment is possible, and it starts with accepting help.