Growing in life
Growing hair, growing in height, growing in strength and growing accustomed to challenges are all part of life. The growth of skills can come from practice. However, emotional growth and resilience are not everyone’s pathway.

Some people may not face a life-threatening challenge at all. A life free from danger with no scars. Though, some may be confronted with severe turmoil and pain. In these times, emotions can be overwhelming. The tendency to seek help can lead to questions. How do I get through this? Why am I the one with all of this going on? Yes, in tough times, questions can increase the discomfort we feel.
Friends and family have an instinct to want to help. Not liking what they see, a tendency to rescue can develop. What can I do to help? Do you need something? However, for the person in pain experiencing the problem, forming the solution is a good outcome. As if you try to take over the job of getting through the problem you then withhold the growth and strength of passing through it. In other words, you take away the gifts of growth.
The gifts of growth
Gifts of growth include: Confidence, wisdom, self-worth, achievement, resilience and more. Having gone through a few life challenges I can vouch for the benefits of facing them with little or no support. Or being in charge of what support I ask for. In contrast to this, I have also been overwhelmed by the support and the problem I was faced with, did not change. In other words, I gained no growth, as it was taken out of my own hands.
An example could be described as my degree course. Having committed and applied myself to every essay, presentation, and coursework. I then, not only finished it with my graduation and certificate but also with the gifts of wisdom, confidence, stress management and perseverance. If I had not done my degree myself, those gifts would be absent. So being trusted to finish something, without help, was a very good outcome.
Therapy tools and reaching out for help
If suffering with anguish, grief, depression, anxiety, then there is a tendency, to reach out for help. Therapy tools, can be part of the help. Unfortunately, no one can practice for you the tools available. But when you do, you may reap the rewards of the effort you make. Then growing in strength, you may overcome your initial issues. So the growth attained is really by your own effort to follow the instructions and apply the wisdom that is available.
The therapist can be part of the instrument of easing your pain. Ultimately though, you become your own instrument to find the peace you may seek. As your own healing happens by what you practice i.e. the tools provided. You are the one who makes the effort and similar to studying a degree - you are the one who doesn’t give up. You attend your therapy and you go out and do the rest.
Growth in emotional health can lead to an emotional intelligence. Empathy can be gained by your experience of overcoming an issue. Empathic understanding can be the wisdom of defeating your inner demons and recognizing the same pain in others. Whether they are going through it, or been through it, you will notice this. The wisdom and also emotional intelligence can be a gift to pass to others.
So if you see someone going through their spell of difficulty - remember they could be on their own pathway and journey to their own recovery. No need to rescue as with the right guidance they can gain their way through and be left with new insight and strength. The guidance can be a quiet word to seek help from a therapist, doctor or good friend. Then the work can begin to help them find their way again. Possibly leading to inner happiness, relaxation and contentment.
