Flashbacks after domestic abuse

For anyone who’s been through domestic abuse, the past doesn’t always stay in the past. Even when life seems to be moving forward, something as small as a smell, a song, or a certain phrase can pull you right back into those painful memories. Flashbacks can be terrifying — one moment you’re fine, and the next, it feels like you’re reliving your worst experiences all over again.

But here’s the thing: you’re not alone in this, and flashbacks don’t have to control your life. With the right tools and support, you can find ways to manage them and start feeling like yourself again.

Why do flashbacks happen?

When you go through something traumatic, your brain doesn’t always process it like a regular memory. Instead, it holds onto those moments as if they’re still happening, keeping you on high alert even when you’re actually safe.

That’s why a simple trigger — something that reminds your brain of the past — can cause such an intense reaction. It’s your mind trying to make sense of what happened, but in the process, it can feel overwhelming and out of your control.

How to deal with flashbacks

The good news? There are ways to get through them. It won’t happen overnight, but little by little, you can take back your power. Here are some things that might help:

Ground yourself in the present

Flashbacks make it feel like you’re back in the past, so one of the best things you can do is remind yourself where you are right now. Try holding onto something cold, naming five things you can see, or focusing on your breath.

Remind yourself that you’re safe

It might sound simple, but repeating phrases like “I am safe now” or “That moment has passed” can help anchor you in the present.

Have a comfort plan

Maybe it’s a favourite playlist, a certain scent, or a soft blanket — having something familiar and soothing nearby can help bring you back to reality when a flashback hits.

Talk to someone who gets it

Opening up about flashbacks can feel scary, but having a safe person to talk to makes a huge difference. Whether it’s a friend, a therapist, or a support group, you don’t have to carry this alone.

Finding support: Jo’s story

For some survivors, the idea of talking to a professional can feel daunting — especially if you’re worried they won’t truly understand what you’ve been through. That’s why for many, working with someone who’s walked the same path can be incredibly comforting.

Jo, a counsellor who now supports survivors of domestic abuse, knows this firsthand — because she’s been through it herself.

“When I first started experiencing flashbacks, I thought I was losing my mind. Even though I was safe, my body didn’t feel safe. It took time, but I learned that this was my brain trying to process what had happened to me.”

“That’s why I trained to be a counsellor — so I could help other survivors understand that they’re not broken, and they’re not alone. Flashbacks don’t mean you’re weak. They mean you’ve been through something really tough, and your mind is still working through it. But there are ways to cope, and you don’t have to figure it out by yourself.”

You deserve support

If flashbacks are something you’re struggling with, please know this: you are not alone, and you are not broken. This is something so many survivors go through, and there is help out there for you.

Whether that’s speaking to a counsellor, joining a support group, or even just reaching out to a trusted friend, taking that first step can make all the difference.