How therapy can help you establish the adult self

In my experience, establishing a sense of our adult self seems to be crucial for our personal development and mental well-being. 

What happens when we embrace our adult selves?

We are hard-wired to 'self-actualise' and when we learn to embrace a sense of our adult self, we become more flexible and open. We live in the moment and are able to see things more objectively. We feel calmer and more at ease. Anxiety is a fear of the future, and depression is linked to the past. If we stay in the moment, we are experiencing life moment to moment, not in the past or future.

Many fears and problems seem to harbour themselves in loneliness. A hope that someone/something somewhere can rescue us, whether that be a parent, doctor, a partner, alcohol, drugs, a better job, a slimmer body, a better car, a younger face, a bigger bank balance and so on... A sense of something or someone that is missing is often a feeling that we have, and that we, on our own, as we are, are not enough. We don't feel enough. We don't have enough. A deep-seated sense of dissatisfaction... of incompleteness.

So goes on the fruitless pursuit of trying to fill this need, an itch that can't be scratched. The search for something or someone that will fill the void, make us feel happy and secure.

How can therapy help us find this?

Therapy gives you an opportunity to turn inwards, to focus on yourself and not be so preoccupied with external sources of validation. To reflect and have introspection...

We don't often give ourselves this luxury in today's fast-paced life. There can be a constant stream of information, and our time and head get full of many things. It's up to us to give ourselves permission to slow down and give ourselves this space.

Could it be that we struggle to be our adult selves because we are trying to avoid taking responsibility or being accountable? To accept when we are miserable and take courage to change our lives rather than hope somebody or something else will?

It is so easy to blame circumstances, people, places and things, but what are the things that we are in control of? Is it scary to accept that it's all down to us? To realise we have choices. To accept it's OK to make mistakes because that's how we learn. To have the courage to say no, have boundaries and not worry so much about what others think of us. To be ourselves, to be authentic and strive to have the connection and sense of belonging... to ourselves.

Happiness has long been associated with being at 'peace' with ourselves. So if we took all these things away that we think will make us happy, what are we left with? Just ourselves, I guess. So isn't it so important to be the love and reassurance that we seek?