Why ending therapy can feel more emotional than you expect

Ending therapy is often seen as a positive milestone. If you've achieved your goals, it can feel like a natural conclusion to an important chapter. But finishing counselling isn't always straightforward. Even when the work has been successful, saying goodbye to a therapeutic relationship can bring up unexpected feelings of sadness, loss, anxiety or uncertainty.

This became the focus of a research project I recently completed entitled How do counsellors work toward and experience endings with clients? It arose from my growing interest in the significance of therapeutic endings – something I gave little thought to early in my training, but which became increasingly important as I began to see (and stop seeing) clients.

At first glance, it may seem that, as long as the work has been accomplished, the end of therapy is wholly a good thing, much as would be the case when a course of medical treatment is concluded. I quickly found, both through my own experience and from reading the research, that counselling is not like this.

Why ending therapy can be difficult

The success of counselling depends on the development of a trusting relationship between therapist and client. When that relationship comes to an end, it can evoke feelings of abandonment, anger or grief – especially for people who have experienced painful losses in the past, whether of important relationships, opportunities or life roles.

The longer therapy continues, the more likely these responses may become, but they can also arise during short-term work, including the two to six sessions that are common in workplace counselling. For people who are particularly sensitive to loss, the ending of therapy can trigger feelings of sadness or anxiety.

The dilemma for the counsellor is how, within a relatively short period of time, to create a relationship that is safe enough for trust and confidence to develop, while also bringing that relationship to a close without causing unnecessary emotional harm.

Supporting clients through the final sessions

Recognising that therapeutic endings should never be assumed to be straightforward is an important first step. Researchers have also suggested that counsellors should reflect on how they themselves experience significant endings so they can better understand, rather than project onto, their clients' experiences. Without this awareness, endings may become rushed, avoided or minimised, or clients may be left feeling uncertain about their ability to cope independently.

Some writers suggest that time-limited counselling should focus more on creating a functional working alliance than a particularly close relationship. My own belief is that while a working alliance accurately describes coaching (and perhaps some workplace interventions), counselling is something more than that.

In the short time that I have been practising, I have found it helpful to be clear from the outset about how many sessions are available and whether this is negotiable. I have also found that gently reminding clients each week about the time remaining allows the ending to become part of the therapeutic process, rather than something that arrives unexpectedly.

The final sessions can then focus on consolidating what has been achieved, maintaining progress and helping clients apply what they have learned beyond the counselling room.

Reflecting on the therapeutic journey

With so much to think about, reflecting on the relationship itself might seem like a poor use of valuable counselling time, or simply too much to fit into the final sessions.

My experience, however, has been quite the opposite. Taking time to acknowledge the unique therapeutic relationship that has supported the work provides a valuable sense of closure for both counsellor and client. Rather than being an afterthought, the ending can become an important part of the therapeutic journey itself.