Don’t share your bereavement with narcissists

Just like it is unwise to share the content of your dreams with someone who you do not feel safe with, it is also advisable to be careful about whom you share your emotional pain with particularly when you are vulnerable in the grieving process. Having healthy and strong boundaries means assessing who is safe to share your grief, loss and disappointments with. 

Sharing your pain with the right people will protect your emotional boundaries and ensure you feel heard. Trusted individuals are those who listen without judgment and avoid taking over the conversation with their own experiences.

Who wants to share their grief with someone who hijacks the conversation with their own stories of loss or responds with platitudes and cliché statements? When grieving the loss of a loved one, you can do without comments like "Well, they had a good innings."

Narcissists won’t have the emotional capacity to offer you the space to share your pain with them. Instead, they will want to talk about their pain from their past which can leave you feeling ignored and frustrated. It is far better to keep your counsel and share your pain with a trusted friend, spiritual advisor or professional, who will listen to you without interruption.

An important part of the grieving process is that you have a private and confidential space to reflect on the range of emotions you will experience. This can help you find compassion for yourself and others so that you can effectively process your difficult feelings and emotions. A crucial aspect of transforming your feelings is knowing that you are truly being listened to.

Stages of grief can include denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. However, there is huge individual variation and no neat progression from one stage to another. Personal circumstances will vary enormously too, such as your relationship with the deceased, how sudden the loss was and whether you had any unfinished business with the person. Experiencing loss has the potential to trigger memories of previous loss and this can have the effect of compounding feelings of grief. So, try to be kind to yourself and not bottle up how you are feeling. Provided you feel safe, accept the help and support from family and friends when they offer. You could also consider joining a bereavement support group when you are ready. The support and strength that come from sharing with other bereaved people can help ease your pain and make your intense feelings easier to bear. 

The benefits of speaking to a trained counsellor are that they can put aside their need to share their experiences with you so that you can be afforded the uninterrupted space you need to grieve and share your pain. A skilled professional will be aware of the stages of grief, whether that is about the death of a loved one, the end of a close relationship or the ending of another important life chapter.