Competitiveness: The pros and cons

The heart is racing, palms clammy, breathing heavy and a surge of thoughts racing like a machine. The competition has begun…

From the very start of life, through infancy, formative years, teens and beyond - competition has its place. In the early years, it can be within the household with siblings. The need for attention from our caregivers. The churning feeling of “not being fair.” “He has more than me.” That early sense of entitlement has a thread related to competitiveness, our first brush with a need to be counted. 

At infant school, sports can bring that rush of adrenaline - the need to win. Races, football, cricket and many more physical introductions. The first taste of defeat or the glory of winning. Some win with grace and some do it stylishly. Either way, the force of playing in the fight to win has begun even at this early stage in life. 

Senior school brings the increased competitiveness to a new level. Not only in sports but in education too. The vibe is in the atmosphere compounding every area of school, even within fashion that can drive parents mad - the need for the right trainers and school shoes. It matters to the child how they compete to fit into the crowd in the school corridor.

Leaving school, there is a new drive to make career and life-changing decisions. These too can be based on the teenager “not being stuck in some loser job.” This context of competition can continue throughout life as success can be defined by where you work, what house you have, car etc etc. so the need to be displaying this can carry the same adrenaline as first experienced in early childhood competition.

So taking this concept and seeing how it can relate to you might help you understand yourself more. Were you the one who focused on winning or did you submit and transfer your skill into another format? Both are similar drives as they come from passion, belief and channelling energy. Some winners create magical memorable moments. However, the submitter to defeat could derive a new source of skill - “the comeback kid.”

So the pros of competing are evident as they can produce winning moments of magical glee. But what about the cons of competition? Can they create depression or withdrawal?

A powerful sense of sulking that can transform a vibrant kid into an adult recluse. Some evidence of this is with successful sportsmen. Once in the limelight then somehow forgotten by the focus on the new breed in their field. This backlash caused a sense of loss and lack of attention. A low mood forms along with possibly a sense of shame. Both combinations could cause withdrawal and loneliness. 

So how do you treat someone who may experience the downside of competition? The short answer could be to create a new passion for them to work towards. A new purpose. This has been evident in past professional footballers becoming football managers, it is a great way to keep their skills going into fresh legs.

In life, nothing compares to making a difference and achieving success, whether alone or in a group, in the limelight or a small community. The thing to remember is that “nothing lasts forever.” It’s part of life to move on and into new chapters of your life, a career change or a new relationship. Life evolves like an axis that creates evolution - change is inevitable.

If you're struggling with a setback or loss from life's competition, talk it out with someone - a family member, friend, or therapist. Look into directing this setback into a new set of purposes, that can propel you into better things for yourself and your loved ones. Don’t give up - create something new.