Ageing and looking into the future

There are many reasons why you may be looking for psychological help at this time in your life. 

You may have wondered why you feel a bit lost and dissatisfied with life, having achieved earlier goals. You may sense that what mattered then is different to what is important to you now. You may be looking to find new areas of interest and involvement now that work and/or family commitments have changed. You may be concerned about your health or that of someone close to you. Perhaps you would prefer to speak to someone older who has had some lived experience to begin this process.

A counsellor is a trained professional who will listen, understand and work alongside you to explore and resolve current and past concerns while maintaining confidentiality and respect for you and your circumstances.

What circumstances can be helped by speaking to a counsellor?

It may be that you are looking for someone for yourself or a relative who may not be doing as well as you hope. It may be that your doctor has recommended that you seek psychological support because of depression, bereavement, a serious illness like dementia or Parkinson's, or loss.

Often older people face a series of emergencies that demand their attention and energy, leaving them feeling exhausted, defeated and fearful for the future. (1) Because of your culture or personality type, it may be hard for you to accept outside help, thinking that your family and friends are all the support you need. Perhaps you feel you are 'on the scrap heap' and don't deserve respect and attention.

We all need help sometimes. Remember, you are not alone. What would your life look like if you were to value yourself more?

Adapting to change

What are your beliefs about ageing? Facing change is inevitable, and how we cope matters. Do you believe that personal change is possible?

We now know that "the brain can change and adapt in structure and function in response to learning and experience", called neuroplasticity. For example, other areas of the brain can take over the function of the damaged areas after a stroke and/or developing new skills and learning can counteract cognitive decline associated with ageing. (2)

Outlook on life and counselling outcomes

Our outlook on Life and how we feel are important for our self-esteem and happiness. Are you a person who simply gets on with things? Or does worry stop you from leading the life you want? Do you think of yourself in a mainly positive or a negative light? Are traumas or broken relationships from the past still causing you distress?

Although it is not possible to explore everything - it would take too long and be unethical - it is possible to reduce some of the pain of loss and embrace new beginnings. For example, clients find that Rewind Trauma Therapy reduces the impact of traumatic events. (3)

Problems at this life stage

As we age, we can be confronted with physical illness and impairments like loss of hearing and speech or mobility, which makes it harder for us to connect with others. We are social animals, so connection with others is vital for our safety and well-being. If we are made redundant or retire from work that has been a big part of our life and our identity, we may feel isolated, at a loss and hopeless, feeling that life without work has no meaning.

Loneliness is a big problem for many people, especially if we are grieving the loss of partners, friends, family and pets. Older people who care for others are often worried about who will care for their family when they are no longer able to do this. There may be worries about finances, housing and care.

Creating a good support network is part of the recovery process. A counsellor can be part of your support system while you find your equilibrium, vitality, renewed sense of purpose and hopes for the future.

What helps us cope better as we get older?

What helps us to navigate this stage in our journey through life? Being in nature and watching the seasons remind us that change and growth are natural, with new leaves appearing on bare branches.

Philosophy offers some helpful perspectives. Plato (427-346BC) says, "He who is of a calm and happy nature will hardly feel the pressure of age, but to him who is of an opposite disposition, youth and age are equally a burden."

Existential psychotherapy talks about four existential concerns: death, freedom, isolation, and meaninglessness. (5) Talking about our concerns with a trusted other person enables us to face and work through our fears.

Finding ways to manage our anxiety, learning new skills and building resilience is good for our mental health. This 'afternoon of life' is to be enjoyed and can be the most creative with the gaining of maturity and wisdom. (6)

Some of my favourite films about ageing and looking into the future are:

• As Good as it Gets (1997)
• Space Cowboys (2000)
• Time Traveller's Wife (2009)
• The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel (2011)
• Quartet (2012)
• The Intern (2015)
• Book Club: The Next Chapter (2023)

What inspires you?

"The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step."

- Lao Tsu C6th BC. 

References:

(1) "Counselling Older People" by Scrutton, S, Gower Publishing Ltd, Aldershot, UK, 1999

(2)  "Brain Plasticity (Neuroplasticity) How Experiences Change the Brain" by Gamma, E www.simplypsychologyorg/brain-plasticity.html, 17 April 2023

(3)  The International Association for Rewind Trauma Therapy www.iartt.com

(4) "Older Adults in Psychotherapy" by Knight, Bob 3rd edition, SAGE, London 2004

(5)  "Existential Psychotherapy" by Yalom, Irwin D, Basic Books, New York, 1980

(6)  "Enjoying the 'Afternoon of Life'. Jung on Ageing", Jungian Centre for Spiritual Sciences www.jungiancentre.org