The Diminished Visibility Male is a Problem for both genders

October 4th, 2011 by Graham Allen MBACP (Accred)

There is much debate about the detrimental effect of the increased sexualisation of young women and girls in the media and in fashion. Saucy, sexualised clothing for pre-teens has been stocked and then withdrawn in large supermarket chains,  and the representation of woman and girls as sexually available, even predatory,  is increasingly pervasive, in particular in music and in advertising. Yet I am curious about an area which appears to have been neglected. How do men feel about and respond to this parading culture?  Having  started to ask the question, I’ve found that far from saying “bring it on” , men report feeling overwhelmed with it, marginalised, usurped, lacking in visibility and also that it perhaps negatively affects their own relationships with women. How is this happening?

In the 70s and 80s men had their own very specific icons of manhood . They may well have been narrow and inflexible but typically they did give men a strong presence in media. For example Clint Eastwood was regularly held up as an icon of masculinity  - he was the greatest box office draw in Hollywood and his image was used extensively. Yet now men have few icons that are paraded in the way that woman are in the media. (David Beckam the last?) Why is this, and how do men feel about it?  In talking to men in my role as a counsellor , they report confusion in how to be and how to be seen. The ‘Adonis male’ seems to occupy less representational space now  - in fact he may well be mocked by women.  Does this matter?  Why at this particular juncture is there so much representational space accorded to  imagery of women’s sexuality as upfront and  “in your face” , whilst the same does not appear to be the case in relation to men?

Most tabloids feature imagery of women scantily clad , but also in seemingly self confident, revealing postures and clothing  - whilst very few men are featured .  Whilst this is certainly not necessarily a move to be celebrated, and feminists amongst others have pointed out the highly detrimental effects on women, girls and indeed society when  women are subject to such sexualisation, trivialisation, and often exploitation, nevertheless, I think a question that is worth asking is: where does this leave men? We might assume that the papers and other media are pandering to the market and that the male gaze seeks sexual titillation via such images of women. But is this really the case?  Or is it somewhat more complex?  For example,  how do fathers with young daughters view such imagery?  How  does it feels for men to be relatively ignored within the market, to have relatively poor ‘exposure’ - in various senses .  If men used to ‘pump themselves up’ with high earning jobs  - this option may no longer be open to them in a time of financial crisis, and even for those with decent jobs, perhaps the salary cheque is no longer enough...

I am also interested  in the role of clothing. The use of Lycra and other similar skin-tight fabrics has introduced a different form of exposure. What we might see on the High St now would a few years ago have not been out of place in a lingerie store, in a club, dance class or on the athletics track.  And for men, these are principally the venues in which their parading of skin-tight, figure-hugging clothing must remain. Interestingly too, as women’s clothing has become more revealingly attention- grabbing , men’s seems to have become less so: more shapeless,  ‘blocky’ and less sexualised.  For instance, there is little fashion emphasis on the eroticisation of men’s hips, thighs and buttocks, for  men’s slim-fit jeans are  rarely seen, in contrast to the ‘skinnies’ , leggings, and ‘jeggings’ currently hugging the female form.   For the  Adonis of the 70s and 80s  - think Robert Plant of Led Zeppelin – sexualised, skin-tight clothing was de rigueur . 

The world of advertising has now for 10 plus years used the dumb fool man often paired with sassy , sexy, knowing women in many ads . Men are frequently reduced to lager drinking football crazies. The woman retains a superior air to the “child man.” Often in film posters the women has a confident, at the camera stare whilst the man tracks the women. This woman knows exactly what she wants  - the man portrays the dim witted clown.  In talking to women many now report feeling that the pendulum has swung too far against men  - they may start to notice this if they have young sons to bring up. My feel is that the diminishing visibility of men in a certain confident role is bad for both sexes.

Men of all ages seem to be very unsure of how ‘to do’ being a man  - both in the private and public spheres.  Might it be that, along with all the undoubtedly deep, complex socio-economic and cultural  reasons, male engagement in rioting and street violence provides a venue for grabbing back some of the limelight and media attention...?

To explore these themes further counselling and psychotherapy can help. Not only does it offer a way to explore these issues,  but many men find it difficult to talk about some of the themes outlined without being judged negatively. Suffering in silence can be very damaging, I would urge any men struggling to consider therapy.