Do we 'need' therapy?

Without experiencing the enormous healing power of good therapy for ourselves, we might wonder exactly what it is we gain from it or why we might ‘need’ it. We may believe that we are the experts on our own mental health and know what is best for us. 

While this is of course true, for the vast majority of us, we unfortunately don’t always know how to take care of ourselves. If we did, would we be experiencing conflict in relationships? Or anxiety at the thought of going to work? Or anger and frustration? 

If we knew what to do for the best, would we not be perfectly content with our lives? Perhaps we wouldn’t yet have everything we wanted, but we’d be able to set clear goals and feel excited to work towards achieving them.

We can only know what is best for ourselves when we know ourselves. If we’re following someone else’s blueprint for happiness we are more often than not going to end up disappointed with the results. They do not work for us. They lead to frustration, anger, anxiety and conflict in relationships. 

Since we were young we have been told who we are. This might have been more overt - “You’re kind, you’re selfish, you’re creative, you’re impractical.” Sometimes it’s more subtle - parts of us we love (being silly, messy and creative) may have been subtly disapproved of by being ignored or silenced with a ‘look’. 

Clearly what we are told about ourselves varies enormously depending on our parents’ connection with themselves and their own state of mind. Many of us have heard of the term ‘projection’. Adults who feel not good enough or insecure are much more likely to limit their children’s growth, seeing and labelling them in ways that are tinted with their limitations. It is perhaps not that the child is impractical or selfish, it is that this is how the adult sees it. However, the child doesn’t know the difference. We internalise our parents’ words often without realising we’re doing it. 

And for many of us, we grow up with an idea of who we are that is actually our parents’ idea of who we are, and, more often than not, our parents’ idea of who they are projected onto us! 

Through therapy, we can understand what messages we might have been told about ourselves and whether these have any basis. Is this who we are, or is this who we’ve been told we are? If it’s someone else’s ideas or projection, can we let it go and come to a more authentic, realistic understanding?

When we reclaim the way we see ourselves, we truly know ourselves and can then know what’s best for ourselves.

We can use therapy to help us see through our conditioning and come to a greater, more authentic and more compassionate understanding of ourselves. It may be that with awareness comes an increased tolerance for others’ imperfections, or perhaps it brings self-confidence and resilience to finally leave a relationship that isn’t serving you. 

We all have within us the power to change and be who we are meant to be. With therapy we can begin to reconnect with our authentic selves, serving our best interests from a place of compassion, acceptance and love. It is the fastest and most effective way I have found to help us break free of our conditioning and bring us back to a place of genuine well-being. 

If you do not want to change, you will not feel like you need therapy. However, if you are willing to accept that you are more than what you’ve always been told, it might just be the best investment in yourself you ever make.