Latest articles on counselling and therapy

This week saw the airing of the much talked about 'Leaving Neverland' documentary, a hugely powerful and insightful look into the experience of two young men who were groomed and sexually abused as children. The perpetrator was one of, if not the most famous pop star in the world, and although it's not the first time we have heard claims that Michael Jackson was a paedophile, it was a deeply honest and detailed account of how abuse can take place in plain sight. I’ve worked with...

One of the most destructive types of personality disorder that science can readily identify has to be narcissistic personality disorder, otherwise referred to as NPD. This personality instils in other individuals not necessarily by choice, but it has been programmed into the individual in their life that being a ‘taker’, and showing a need for absolute power and control over another individual, is the only way to maintain their lifestyle. They have a deadly combination of...

If I were to mention the words ‘domestic abuse’, the first thing that would likely come to mind for you would be violence. Whilst arguably all violence within a relationship may constitute domestic abuse, not all domestically abusive relationships contain violence. Actually, some people are not even aware they are in an abusive relationship immediately, whilst others may never become aware for the duration of the relationship. Recently I was speaking with somebody about...

In order to be close to people that we love, it is important to know our limits and be able to skillfully negotiate both our limits, and those of those around us. Boundaries have nothing to do with whether you love someone or not; you can say no (to meeting someone, to lending someone money, to having sex) and still love someone. In fact, your ability to tolerate separateness in your relationships actually enables you to be closer in a healthy way to those around you. There are usually...

The #Metoo movement, and the courage of survivors speaking out about their abuse around the world, show signs of a growing awareness and acknowledgment of the scale of sexual abuse. Equally strong are the voices of those who seek to deny this reality and blame victims (often, though not always, younger women) for lying, or having in some way caused the abuse.   The arguments are familiar: “but that was years ago - why didn’t she say something at the time?”;...

This is an expression that I use to describe a form of behaviour that is both manipulative and destructive, and if it is easily spotted you can break yourself from the destructive cycle. Hot is the use of intense emotion. This can take many forms; not all of the forms are negative, for example someone can be immensely hot by excessively lavishing another individual with praise, gifts or attention. Another, more destructive form of hot is where the individual will be intensely angry toward...

Is the beautiful game an excuse for domestic abuse? Football is the dominant sport in this country, and there have been studies that show a link between domestic abuse and football due to their shared association with intrinsic forms of sexism and violence. Football involves a mix of emotions and behaviours; even more so as of late when the country was full of hope that England could bring back the most prestigious trophy in football. Watching and being a part of this can, on occasion, make...

The FIFA World Cup tournament can offer fans great excitement and thrills when there can be a coming together around 90 minutes of excitement and intense emotional connections. However, the sporting spectacle can also offer a dark side too. For a number of years organisations have recorded a rise in incidents of domestic violence particularly when the England football team are playing in major tournaments. More recently police forces have reported a higher incidence of calls involving...