The #Metoo movement, and the courage of survivors speaking out about their abuse around the world, show signs of a growing awareness and acknowledgment of the scale of sexual abuse. Equally strong are the voices of those who seek to deny this reality and blame victims (often, though not always, younger women) for lying, or having in some way caused the abuse. The arguments are familiar: “but that was years ago - why didn’t she say something at the time?”;...
I've been there. I've lived being 'trapped' in domestic abuse. I've heard the keys in the front door and felt my legs feel like jelly as though they wouldn't hold me up! My coping mechanism was to keep busy and keep trying to be 'perfect'. For years I was in denial that it was happening to me! There had to be another reason why he treated me as he did. Was he ill? Was he insecure? Can I prove to him I love him unconditionally? The list was endless... Are you just wanting a calm evening? You...
This is an expression that I use to describe a form of behaviour that is both manipulative and destructive, and if it is easily spotted you can break yourself from the destructive cycle. Hot is the use of intense emotion. This can take many forms; not all of the forms are negative, for example someone can be immensely hot by excessively lavishing another individual with praise, gifts or attention. Another, more destructive form of hot is where the individual will be intensely angry toward...
Is the beautiful game an excuse for domestic abuse? Football is the dominant sport in this country, and there have been studies that show a link between domestic abuse and football due to their shared association with intrinsic forms of sexism and violence. Football involves a mix of emotions and behaviours; even more so as of late when the country was full of hope that England could bring back the most prestigious trophy in football. Watching and being a part of this can, on occasion, make...
The FIFA World Cup tournament can offer fans great excitement and thrills when there can be a coming together around 90 minutes of excitement and intense emotional connections. However, the sporting spectacle can also offer a dark side too. For a number of years organisations have recorded a rise in incidents of domestic violence particularly when the England football team are playing in major tournaments. More recently police forces have reported a higher incidence of calls involving...
One of the hardest things about emotional abuse is that, through a campaign of blame, undermining, criticism and gaslighting, it can cause you to lose trust in yourself. This is true even if you are aware of what is happening. I have met many people who were aware of some (although usually not all) of the tactics their partner was using, but because of the drip, drip effect of emotional abuse (and the isolation that often co-exists with an experience of abuse) it affected them anyway. This...
Guilt could be considered one of the feelings inherited from evolution (like fear, anger and sadness) as it has survival value and can help with healing and repairing relationships. There can be a lack of any true sense of guilt or remorse from individuals high in psychopathy for the harm they may have caused others. Our prime drives are to survive and to affiliate as we come into the world dependent on others in order to survive and to prosper. If we didn’t experience guilt we would not...
A couple of weeks ago I read a review about the forthcoming television drama, 'Patrick Melrose'. It was a well written and sensitive review by a national newspaper paper that didn't shy away from the subject of intrafamilar child sexual abuse experienced by Patrick Melrose as a boy. The review also discussed the novels that the drama is based on, highlighting the novels were loosely based on the experiences of the author Edward St Aubyn. Often the media does not cover the abuse and child sexual...
What is violence in the home?The UK government’s definition of domestic violence is any incident or pattern of incidents of controlling, assaultive and coercive behaviour, violence or abuse between those aged 16 and over who are or have been intimate partners or family members. The vast majority of domestic violence incidents are carried out by men and experienced by women.The abuse can be physical, sexual, psychological, emotional such as coercive control, digital or on line, honour...
When a person decides to go and see a counsellor, chances are that they are not feeling at their strongest. It may well have taken a long time to decide to seek help. Sometimes a person doesn't really want to see a counsellor but their loved ones keep telling them they ought to. Often people don't actually know what a counsellor does. If you or someone you know relates to this, please read on. This is a brief introduction on how to be counselled. First, finding a counsellor. You may want the...
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