Peter Holder

Infidelity changes your sense of what was real, and shatters trust. 

One partner has been carrying the truth for weeks, months, sometimes years. The other is only just finding out. One person wants to move forward, the other needs to understand what happened first, and neither can quite meet the other where they are. 

Who I Work With

I am a Relate trained relationship counsellor, based in Birmingham, supporting individuals & couples through recovery from infidelity & affairs.

If you've been betrayed: Questions you can't put down. A relationship you're now looking at through a different lens, wondering what else was true and what wasn't. The stress between wanting your partner close and wanting to protect yourself from being hurt again.

We work on making sense of what happened, rebuilding low self-confidence and a sense of safety in your own judgement, and deciding what trust could look like going forward, whether that's within the relationship or without it.

If you've had the affair: Guilt that doesn't lift. The sense that every answer you give either isn't enough, leaving you frustrated and fed up. Walking on eggshells in your own home because you don't know what will trigger the next difficult conversation.

I help you sit with what the infidelity meant, not just why it happened, and find a way to take responsibility that doesn't sink you into constantly beating yourself up.

If you're working on this as a couple: Learning to talk about what happened without it turning into an angry interrogation or shutdown. Understanding that forgiveness and forgetting are not the same thing, and that healing doesn't mean pretending nothing occurred.

And we can also discuss relating family issues - if you have children, for example. We can think through the harder practical questions, like what and how much they need to know.

My Approach

My focus isn't on assigning blame. Betrayal often gets framed as a simple story of a bad person doing a bad thing, and that rarely helps anyone move forward.

We slow things down - especially early on where there's loops of obsessive thinking, hypervigilance and conversations that go in circles. We'll look at what the infidelity means for both of you as well as for the relationship. And we'll create clear objectives for each session.

My aim is that you walk away with useful insight you can take action on.

Questions You May Have

Will I be judged, or will you take sides?
No. It's a common worry on both sides: that the betrayed partner will be automatically supported and the partner who had the affair automatically blamed.

My role isn't to punish anyone or hand out verdicts. It's to help you both understand what's happened and what you want to do about it.

Do we need to come together, or can we do this separately?
Either works. Sometimes it helps to explore your own experience individually before bringing things into joint sessions, especially in the early stages when emotions are running high.

What if we don't know yet whether we want to stay together?
That's a completely normal place to start. Many couples come to therapy to figure out whether the relationship has a future, not because they've already decided.

Is your service LGBTQ+ affirming and kink-aware?
Yes. I welcome all relationship structures and identities into this work.

If you're non-monogamous, you may not be dealing with an 'affair' in the traditional sense, but a relationship agreement that's been broken like not using protection with a new connection, or staying overnight.

This also creates feelings of betrayal and broken trust. I can support you with these challenges as well.

Clarity Programme

A four week structure for couples where infidelity has recently been discovered. You're struggling to cope with the overwhelming shock of what feels like a crisis. The programme is designed to contain this difficult moment, individually and as a couple, and help you decide what to do next about your relationship.

Includes weekly counselling sessions, check-ins, and ongoing support between sessions. Drop me an email for more details.

Ready to Talk?

I work from my practice in Digbeth on Tuesday evenings and Saturday morning/afternoon, and offer online sessions via Google Meet for clients across the UK.

I offer a free 30-minute introductory call so we can talk through what's happening for you. You can request a call using the 'book intro call' at top of the page, contact me via the email button, or you can click through to my website directly. 

Once you've reached out, if you've not heard back within 48 hours please check your junk/spam folder. Sometimes my first email can drop into there.

Speak soon,

Individual session = £60
Couple session = £90

Clarity Programme = Contact me for full details