Paula Hennighan-Finlay

Hi I'm Paula, I specialise in Grief Bereavement and Trauma Counselling and Emergency Services and Military mental health.

My journey into counselling was shaped by my own experience of a significant loss alongside childhood and workplace, emergency services trauma and the profound impact that the right kind of trauma informed support can make. I know first-hand how isolating and debilitating grief and trauma can feel – and how transformative it is to have someone truly understand and to have practical tools to support you.

I trained as a counsellor because I wanted to offer others the kind of support I had and experience how transformative having a trauma informed counsellor was.

I believe that everyone regardless of their background, race, religion or non-belief, spirituality, sexual orientation, neurodiversity, gender identity or disability deserves access to compassionate inclusive, professional mental health, trauma or grief and bereavement, LGBT+ support.

I specialise in grief, bereavement and trauma and emergency services, LGBT+ support because of my personal and professional experience, as I know I can make the most meaningful difference by providing the right support at the right time.

Meet your Counsellor

I’m a qualified counsellor specialising in grief, bereavement and trauma including those in the emergency services and military who experience unique trauma in their work. I understand how the training and culture can impact how you process and manage that trauma and loss.

I believe that healing is unique to you, which is why I blend my approach to something bespoke for your needs in discussion with you. You are fully involved in the process from start to finish.

Everyone deserves a warm, safe space to process what they are going through with someone who understands where they are at and to support them going forwards.

Whether you’ve recently lost someone, are still carrying a loss from years ago, or have experienced something that has left you feeling stuck, affected your appetite, difficulty sleeping or feeling low or anxious - I’m here to walk alongside you, at your pace, without judgement.

Sessions info

All my sessions are held online for a full 60 minutes, meaning you can access support from anywhere in the UK, from the comfort of your own home or in a private space at work in your break.

Booking

All bookable from your GDPR compliant portal, via my website paulahennighan.co.uk (accessed via my website link at the top of the page), available 24/7.

You don't have to commit to weekly sessions although this is helpful in the early stages of building the relationship with each other.

Support that meets you where you are at and to fit in with your life and schedule.

Many of my clients tell me they feel more comfortable in their own environment – I love that online counselling removes so many of the practical barriers to accessing quality support such as long-term health conditions, disabilities, travel and work.

Areas of support

Grief Counselling

Grief doesn’t follow a schedule. It can feel isolating or lonely, Your loss may be recent or many years ago. You may not have had the opportunity to speak about your loved one openly, everyone grieves in a way and time that is unique to them and their relationship with the person they have lost.

Bereavement Support

Losing someone significant changes everything. Bereavement support helps you find your footing again and discover what life can look like now even if your relationship was complex. Bereavement can throw up conflicting emotions and physical symptoms which are entirely normal.

Trauma Counselling

Trauma can leave you feeling stuck, overwhelmed or disconnected. Together we will work through it in a trauma informed way, to minimise any re-experiencing of the original trauma in the here and now and give you a practical toolkit to support you, at a pace that feels safe for you.

Services

Grief Counselling

Grief is one of the most profound human experiences. Just as the shock and numbness starts to ease after those first few months, the people you relied on for support can feel as though they have moved on. I understand what that feels like and am here to support you and give you a space to grieve for your loved one – Your pace, unique to you and your relationship with them.

What is Grief Counselling

Grief Counselling is a form of talking therapy, grounded in a genuine human relationship that provides a safe, validating, supportive space to process the emotional and physical pain of loss. It’s not about getting over grief, or moving on, it’s about learning what is happening physically in your body and brain and allowing yourself to be however you need to be.

Grief isn’t neat and tidy and doesn’t follow a set formula or a set period of time.

It can feel messy which can be difficult when you may already be feeling not in control over the loss of your loved one.

Understanding what is happening to you physically and emotionally can help you to give yourself the compassion and self-care you need as you navigate your grief.

I offer a regular compassionate, non-judgemental space, no matter how complex your relationship may have been or how conflicting your feelings may be, without worrying about burdening others or unrealistic expectations of moving on or an unrealistic timeframe.

Together we will explore your unique experience of loss, at a pace that feels right for you. Sometimes you may feel tearful and heavy and other times you may feel lighter. Humour and lighter moments can be a helpful part of the process and often all those feelings and emotions can be present within the same session at different times

All of it is welcome.

Who Grief Counselling can help

• The loss of a parent, partner, child, sibling or close friend
• The death of a pet - a loss that is often minimised but deeply felt
• Anticipatory grief – grieving before a person has passed, such as long term illness and the gradual loss of how they once were
• Cumulative grief – multiple losses over time that layer, not restricted to losing a person, can include but not limited to - losing a job,  a difficult childhood, a difficult parental or partner relationship, adverse health
• Prolonged grief that feels stuck
• Grief that has been 'put on hold' and is now surfacing
  
  

Paula’s approach to Grief

I work in an integrative relational way where you are at the heart of what I do. My approach draws on several counselling disciplines including CBT, Psychodynamic, Person–Centred, Neuroscience, Polyvagal and Somatic. I uniquely blend these to your needs and goals which I adapt as we go on. You will be given information and choices as to which approaches you would like to try, always with your wellbeing and goals in mind. I work with the whole you, body and mind as they are inextricably linked and impacted by grief.

Bereavement Support

Losing someone you love changes everything. Bereavement support gives you the tools and support to rebuild your foundations and start to navigate how life is now.

Bereavement v Grief – What’s the difference

Bereavement is the period after a loss where grief and mourning the loss take place.

In Western Society traditions have changed over time and we are more removed from the process of the death of a loved one, than we once were and learning from relatives in the period afterwards that came from the person being in the home for a while before the funeral for example. COVID restrictions further impacted families ability to have a service with varying restrictions on the number of mourners that could attend at different points during the pandemic.

The growing popularity of non-attended cremations has further impacted the bereavement period particularly if there hasn’t been a memorial or service of some kind.

There are different societal expectations of the mourning period and often people are expected to have moved on and got over it after only a few months, particularly felt at times when returning to work for some people.

Bereavement support is about having a safe, consistent time, to talk about your loved one and process whatever you are experiencing in a space where those expectations don’t exist, and you don’t have to protect the feelings of others.

There is no set time for grief, you will always grieve for your loved one but not at the intensity or pain you experience after the numbness, and shock wears off after those early months as your brain and body adjusts.

What bereavement support looks like

• Help understanding and processing the emotions and physical reactions that come with bereavement
•  Resetting unrealistic societal expectations of bereavement and timeframes

Paula’s approach to Bereavement

I believe that bereavement support should feel like a conversation with someone who genuinely cares and understands along with practical support and education – not a clinical process with a fixed number of sessions

I work in a warm, empathic relational way, drawing on a number of approaches that help you to explore the meaning and impact of your loss and to find a way to live alongside it in a way that feels right for you, without judgement and in a way that is validating. I won’t tell you how to grieve or give you a set formula. I will simply be present with you, wherever you are at.

Sessions are held online, so you can access support from anywhere in the UK – from the comfort and privacy of your own home, a private space at work in your break, or if you are working away from home.

Trauma

What is Trauma?

Trauma is not just about what happened to you – it’s about how your body has stored that trauma, if it was unable to process it at the time, for example if it wasn’t safe as a child, a difficult relationship or you were unable to as you were dealing with a traumatic incident in a professional capacity as a member of the emergency services or military. It’s impact on the neural structures of your brain and central nervous system and activation of the fight/flight/freeze/fawn system.

Trauma becomes a problem when traumatic experiences layer and build, perhaps we didn’t learn safe coping mechanisms as a child or our training teaches us to detach from the experience so we can do our job, but it rewires our fight/flight response and floods our body with activating neurochemicals creating biological changes in our amygdala and pre-frontal cortex, leading to anxiety, depression, flashbacks, difficulty sleeping, anger response and our relationship with food.

The good news is that our brains are malleable and there are things we can do via the body first to let us know we are safe and we can work on activating the calming chemicals by using breathing techniques, relaxation, guided mediation, mindfulness, walking in nature to recalibrate and start to build new neural pathways.

I you’re struggling with something that happened – whether recently, years ago or a  bereavement has brought up past experiences – and its affecting your daily life, trauma counselling can help

• Work -related trauma (including Emergency Services, Health Care workers, Prison Staff and Military)

My approach to Trauma Counselling

Safety and regulation are important in all trauma work. I will first explore and teach you techniques to help you to regulate your body and emotions. We will work on your experiences in a trauma informed way so as to minimise re-triggering existing traumatic experiences. We will work at your pace, sometimes I may slow you down so that we can keep you regulated as we work to expand your tolerance levels, building a sense of safety and trust before exploring anything difficult.

I work in an integrative, trauma-informed way, drawing on somatic awareness and evidence-based techniques. My aim is to help you understand how trauma has affected you and to support you in building your own toolkit of approaches that work for you, whilst processing what happened and the emotions around that leading to a connectedness between your mind and body and your own sense of agency in your life.

All sessions are held online via secure video call – so you can access support from anywhere in the UK, from the comfort of your own home, a private space at work or if working away from home.

Emergency Services

Military

£65 Standard session - 60 minutes

£60 - Military/Emergency Services/Student -

60 minutes

Do you offer reduced fees?

I aim to make counselling as accessible as possible. I offer a reduced fee for Emergency Services, Military and Students. Please get in touch to discuss your circumstances if cost is a barrier – I’ll do my best to help

My Approach

I work in an integrative, person-centred, neuroscientific way – which means I tailor my approach to each individual. There’s no one size fits all in counselling. I draw on a range of evidence-based and established techniques and theories, always led by what feels most helpful for you.

What I stand for:

Professionalism and ethics 

I work within the NCPS ethical framework, with full confidentiality and GDPR compliance at all times.

Outside the Consulting room

When I’m not working, you’ll find me in the garden with my dog, curled up with a good book, or enjoying a coffee with friends. I believe that self-care in all the small everyday ways and being out in nature, be that a gladed wood or the rhythmic sound of sea waves is incredibly important for our nervous systems and helps support us in our healing journey.

I bring my whole self to my work – my warmth, my humour, empathy and my genuine care for the people I work with.

I’m not a blank screen; I’m a real person who wants to help.

Research has shown that the human relationship is the key part to healing in counselling.

What’s included in every session

• Secure, confidential video session via GDPR compliant Zoom.
• A safe, warm, non-judgemental space
• Integrative, relational approach tailored to you
• Practical and follow-up resources where helpful
• Appointment booking - direct from your client account 24/7 powered by Zanda and Stripe.

Cancellation Policy

Please give at least 48 hours’ notice if you need to cancel or reschedule. Available from your client account. Sessions cancelled with less than 48 hours’ notice may be charged in full.

Book your session

I'd love to hear from you!

Go to my website to book your free 20 minute introductory phone or video call or to book a session via your client portal. Access 24/7 to book, reschedule or cancel appointments, or if you have a query not answered in the FAQ, please fill in the contact form and I will get back to you.

Frequency of sessions 

Generally, people find it beneficial to meet weekly at least at the beginning to build up the relationship and some momentum, however some people prefer more time between sessions to process what we have talked about or to make it more affordable. We can discuss what works for you in the free call or our first session.