“You’re not being too sensitive”: When communication breaks down

We often hear that communication is the foundation of any healthy relationship. But what no one really talks about is how painful it can be when that communication starts to falter - when you’re trying to explain how you feel, and your partner just... doesn’t seem to hear you.

Whether it’s being brushed off mid-sentence, misunderstood for the tenth time, or told you’re “overthinking again” - that emotional disconnect doesn’t just create frustration. It can chip away at your confidence, your well-being, and even your sense of self.

So, if you’re stuck in a cycle of arguments, silence, or feeling emotionally miles apart from the person you love, this isn’t just “a rough patch.” It’s something worth paying attention to. And you’re not being dramatic for needing more.

When it’s not what you’re saying, it’s what’s not being heard

You might find yourself having the same conversations over and over. Maybe it’s about how lonely you feel, or how much you wish they’d just ask how you are sometimes. But somehow, the message never quite seems to land.

And when that happens enough times, the impact runs deeper than just day-to-day stress. You might start thinking:

• Am I too needy?
• Why do I always end up feeling like this?
• Is it even worth trying to explain anymore?

If those thoughts sound familiar, know this: needing to feel emotionally safe and understood is not a flaw. It’s human.

The mental health toll of poor communication

When you’re in a relationship where you feel consistently dismissed, criticised, or emotionally alone, it can trigger deeper emotional responses - especially if you’ve experienced past trauma, anxiety, or rejection.

It’s not “just bickering.” Ongoing communication issues can lead to:

• heightened anxiety and rumination
• increased symptoms of depression or low self-worth
• emotional exhaustion or burnout
• feelings of isolation, even when you're not physically alone
• a sense of walking on eggshells or shutting down entirely

And over time, these patterns can become the “new normal”, even though they hurt.

Common communication traps in couples

Let’s be honest: most of us weren’t exactly taught how to have emotionally healthy conversations. And when stress, resentment, or misattunement pile up, it’s easy to fall into patterns like:

• Fixing instead of listening: One partner jumps in with solutions when the other just wants to be heard.
• Defensiveness: Feeling attacked even when the other person is simply expressing how they feel.
• Minimising or dismissing: “It’s not that big of a deal” or “You’re being too sensitive.”
• Withdrawing or shutting down: When conflict feels overwhelming, it’s often easier to go quiet or retreat - but that silence can feel like rejection.

These patterns are common, but they’re also reversible. So, how do you start to repair the emotional connection?

It’s not about communicating more, it’s about communicating differently. Here are some gentle shifts that can help:

Talk about how you feel - not just what happened

Instead of “You never listen to me,” try “I feel really alone when I try to open up, and it’s brushed off.” Vulnerability tends to invite connection, while blame usually triggers defence.

Make space to listen without fixing

Sometimes the most loving thing we can do is say, “That sounds really hard. I’m here.” No advice, no judgement - just presence.

Name what’s underneath the anger

Anger is often the top layer. Underneath might be hurt, fear, longing, or shame. Getting curious (with yourself and each other) about what’s really going on can open up the conversation.

Consider couples therapy or counselling

Sometimes you need a neutral space to break the cycle. Therapy isn’t just for “crisis mode” - it’s a proactive way to build better communication, even if the issues seem small.

You deserve to feel safe and heard in your relationship

This isn’t about blaming your partner or expecting perfection. It’s about recognising when a communication dynamic is hurting you, and choosing to do something about it.

You deserve to be in a relationship where your emotional needs are acknowledged, not brushed aside. Where you can say, “I’m struggling,” without being made to feel weak. Where you’re not just co-existing, but actually connecting.

Counselling isn’t a sign of trouble - it’s a sign of care

There’s a lingering myth that couples only go to counselling when things are on the brink of falling apart. But in truth, seeking support can be one of the healthiest, most proactive things you do for your relationship.

Think of it like this: you wouldn’t wait for your car to break down completely before taking it to the garage. You’d get it checked, tuned, looked after - because it matters.

Counselling offers a safe, neutral space where both of you can slow things down and actually listen, without interruption, without defensiveness, without spiralling into the usual argument loops. It’s a space where both people can feel heard, not just spoken to.

And the skills you learn - like emotional attunement, active listening, managing conflict without blame - don’t just help in times of stress. They strengthen the whole foundation of your relationship. They help you both feel closer, more secure, and more like a team again.

Because at the end of the day, communication isn’t about being perfect. It’s about learning how to show up for each other, even when things feel messy. It’s about building trust - not by getting it right all the time, but by being willing to try.