Why waiting is one of the hardest parts of IVF

Waiting is woven through almost every stage of IVF. Yet it is often one of the least talked about parts of the whole experience.

When people think about IVF, they often picture injections, egg collection or embryo transfer. But for many women, it is the waiting in between that becomes one of the most emotionally challenging aspects of the journey.

Not one wait, but many.

Waiting for appointments. Waiting for scans. Waiting for blood test results. Waiting for phone calls. Waiting to hear how many eggs were collected, how many fertilised, and whether any embryos developed. Waiting for embryo transfer. The two-week wait, and if treatment doesn't work, waiting until you feel emotionally ready to try again.

Over time, waiting can become one of the defining features of the IVF journey.

Living with constant uncertainty

What makes this waiting so difficult is that it isn't simply about the passing of time. Every wait is tied to something that matters enormously. A phone call could determine whether treatment can continue. A blood test result could change the next steps. The pregnancy test at the end of the two-week wait could completely alter the course of your future.

Underlying all of this is an even bigger wait. The wait to become a mother.

For many women, that is what makes the waiting feel so unbearable. You aren't simply waiting for appointments or results. You are waiting, and hoping, for the chance to become a mum. And unlike so many other waits in life, there is no certainty about when that might happen, or even if it will.

Because so much is at stake, waiting can become emotionally exhausting. You are often living with hope and fear at the same time, never quite knowing what the next few days or weeks might bring.

For many women, this uncertainty can begin to feel relentless. Just as one wait comes to an end, another begins, and before you've had time to process one piece of news, you are waiting for the next.

It can feel as though life is on hold

One of the things I hear women describe time and time again is the feeling that their lives have been put on hold. Not because they have stopped living altogether, but because so much depends on what happens next.

It can become difficult to think too far into the future when you don't know whether you'll be pregnant, preparing for another cycle of treatment or trying to come to terms with disappointing news.

Meanwhile, the people around you often seem to be moving forwards with their lives. Friends announce pregnancies. Babies are born. Families grow. Friends and family move into new chapters of their lives while you are still waiting and hoping that one day it will be your turn.

Over time, this can leave you feeling stuck. As though your own life has been paused while everyone else's continues to move forward. That can be an incredibly painful place to find yourself, particularly when you have no certainty about when, or even if, your own circumstances will change.

It can take over your thoughts

When something matters as much as having a baby, it is completely understandable that it occupies your mind.

Many women describe finding it difficult to concentrate on other things because IVF is never far from their thoughts. They replay conversations with the clinic, think about upcoming appointments, wonder what the next phone call might bring or find themselves imagining different possible outcomes.

During the two-week wait, this can become even more intense. You may notice every sensation in your body, search online for possible signs and symptoms, or go back and forth over whether to take a pregnancy test early.

This isn't because you are doing anything wrong. It is a very human response to living with so much uncertainty and wanting an answer that feels incredibly important.

How therapy can help

Living in a constant state of waiting can be emotionally draining. It can leave you feeling anxious, preoccupied and exhausted, even when nothing appears to be happening on the surface. Many women find that the uncertainty begins to affect other areas of life too, making it harder to concentrate, relax or fully enjoy time with the people around them.

Therapy provides a space where you don't have to carry all of that on your own. Somewhere you can talk honestly about the uncertainty, the hope, the fear and everything else that waiting brings, without worrying about being judged or told to simply "stay positive."

Together, we can explore ways of making the waiting feel more manageable. That might involve finding strategies to cope with the uncertainty, reducing the tendency to become consumed by symptom searching, thinking about how to stay connected to other parts of your life while you wait, or simply having somewhere to bring the emotional weight of what you are carrying.

Therapy with someone who has been through it too

Having been through infertility, IVF and miscarriage myself, alongside supporting women professionally, I know just how consuming the waiting can become. For many women, talking to a therapist who understands the emotional realities of infertility and IVF can feel particularly supportive.

There can be a huge relief in speaking to someone who already understands why the waiting feels so significant, without you having to explain why every phone call, appointment, or test result can have such a profound emotional impact.

Waiting may be an unavoidable part of IVF, but it doesn't mean you have to carry the emotional weight of it on your own.