Why summer can be one of the hardest times when going through IVF

It isn't necessarily obvious, but summer can be a particularly difficult time when you are facing infertility and going through IVF.

People often expect Mother's Day, Father's Day, Christmas, birthdays, and pregnancy announcements to be painful. But summer can catch you by surprise. There is something about this time of year that highlights just how different your life feels from everyone else's.

Why summer can be unexpectedly difficult

Overall, it can seem like the world becomes lighter and happier during summer. Holidays are booked. Gardens are full. Friends meet for drinks after work. Families head off on day trips and weekend away trips. Social media is filled with photos of children playing on the beach, picnics in the park, and long evenings spent together outdoors. For many people, summer brings a sense of optimism. It feels carefree. 

When you are going through infertility and IVF, it can feel like you are living in a completely different world.

Instead of thinking about holidays, you may be thinking about treatment schedules, medication, scans and whether another cycle is about to begin. You may not even feel able to book a holiday because you don't know what the next few weeks will look like, and all your money might be getting funnelled into IVF.

Even if you could get away, you may struggle to switch off. IVF has a way of occupying your mind almost constantly. It can be difficult to relax when so much feels uncertain, and when the outcome matters so much.

Social situations can feel challenging

Summer socialising can feel different too. During summer, there seem to be so many more social invites and impromptu get-togethers. Friends suggest meeting for drinks outside after work or spending long afternoons in beer gardens. Weekend BBQs are common, too.

This can feel like a lot of pressure, pressure to show up and be happy, but also pressure to join in.

If you are in the midst of IVF or due to start a cycle in a few months, it's likely you are avoiding alcohol, so socialising with an emphasis on drinking can feel difficult. And if you show up, you may dread being asked why you aren't drinking, knowing that someone might jokingly ask whether you're pregnant. This is the worst kind of comment when the reality is that you have been desperately trying for months or years, and lots of women avoid social situations that focus on drinking for this very reason.

The impact of social media

Social media can feel even more difficult to engage with at this time of year too.

Everyone seems to be enjoying themselves and doing things. Living life. Your feed is filled with images of happy occasions and memories being created. And there seems to be even more posts from parents about their kids. About pregnancies. Babies. And families sharing happy moments.

This may feel like a stark reminder of what you don’t have, and how difficult life feels for you right now. You don't have anything that necessarily feels 'share-worthy' or that you're happy or excited about. In fact, you may be really struggling, and it hurts to see how happy and full of life everyone else seems.

Feeling as though life is on hold

During summertime, while other people seem to be making memories, celebrating milestones and looking forward to the future, you may feel as though your own life is on hold. Many people describe infertility as living in limbo.

You don't know whether to plan ahead. You don't know what next month will bring. You don't know whether to make commitments, book holidays or imagine a future that feels impossible to picture. It can be really overwhelming and painful. 

But perhaps one of the hardest parts is the feeling of being left behind. It can feel as though everyone else's life is moving forwards while you are stuck in the middle of infertility and the gruelling reality of IVF.  That can make the loneliness of infertility feel even more pronounced during the summer months.

Why these feelings are normal

If this is how summer feels for you, please know that you are not alone.

These feelings are much more common than people often realise. They are not a sign that you are failing to cope or that you should simply try to be more positive. They are a very normal response to living with uncertainty, repeated disappointment and the grief that infertility so often brings.

As someone who has been through infertility and IVF myself, I know how different summer can feel when you are living this reality. I also know how isolating it can be when it seems as though everyone else is embracing and enjoying the summer months while you are simply trying to get through it.

How therapy can help

At times like these, sometimes the most helpful thing is having somewhere you don't have to pretend you are fine. Somewhere you don't have to force yourself to be positive. Somewhere you can talk honestly about how difficult your current reality is, and have your experience validated.

This is one of the many ways therapy can help when you are dealing with infertility and IVF.

Therapy can also help you make sense of the thoughts and feelings that often become overwhelming during infertility and IVF. Whether you are carrying anxiety about the future, struggling with other people's pregnancies, feeling consumed by treatment, questioning whether to keep going, or simply exhausted by the emotional rollercoaster, having a dedicated space to explore those experiences can make them feel less overwhelming and less lonely.

And if you have therapy with someone who has personally been on this journey, you can feel confident there is a shared knowledge and understanding. You can just convey what you are thinking and feeling without overexplaining or worrying that you will be judged or misunderstood.

No two experiences of infertility and IVF are identical, but the overarching themes and emotions tend to be very similar. That is why sitting with a therapist who has been where you are right now, and opening up to them, can feel supportive, safe and helpful.

So if you are struggling with infertility and IVF, and summer time is making it feel all the more difficult, therapy may be worth considering to help support you.